✋🏽 How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
Hey, friends! Today, we're going to talk about one of the biggest blockers that people have when it comes to living the lives they want to be living.
And that is worrying about what other people think.
This comes up when people are thinking about changing jobs, changing careers, making life decisions, or even just going about their day-to-day in their normal job.
This worry pops up. “Oh my gosh, someone is going to think _________,” and then they stop.
So let me tell you the secret to no longer worrying about what other people think:
What other people think cannot bother you unless you agree with them.
What does this mean?
First, let’s do a thought experiment Think about something you feel totally confident about, about yourself. You feel solid. It's not an issue.
It could be a decision you’ve made, or a characteristic about yourself. Really think about that thing.
Do you ever worry what someone else is going to say about that? And if someone does say something, does it even bother you, or does it just bounce right off of you, and you don't think about it?
Here's my example of that kind of thing. I am 5 feet, 1 inch tall. That's my height. It's been my height for a long time.
And I don't care! I just don't think about it. I have no insecurities about my height whatsoever.
Now, I'm a single Indian woman, and I'm on the Indian marriage market.
There are a lot of aunties in the world that have my profile that try to find eligible men to set me up with.
And I have had people tell me to my face, “You're great, but you're too short. We're only looking for women that are 5’4” and above. So sorry, we're going to pass on you.”
You know what I think about that? Nothing! I don't care! It doesn't bother me at all.
And the reason it doesn't bother me is because I am not bothered by my height.
And so when someone gives me their opinion that they think I'm too short, it teflon’s off of me. And I just say, “Okay, that sounds like YOUR problem. Next!”
And so when you are worrying about something or when you hear an opinion, and it doesn't just teflon off of you, it's because some part of you agrees with that other person's opinion.
All of those things that you are so worried that people are going to think are actually a list of the things that you think about yourself.
Which is amazing news! Because now you don't have to go out into the world and change anybody.
All you have to do is go inside and address the part of you — it may not be a 100% part, it may be just a 10% part of you — that agrees with that opinion.
And you have to build up your compelling argument to address it and to convince yourself why the thing you're doing is the right thing to do.
Let me give you another example. I was working with a client this week and she wanted to raise an issue to her boss. She saw some problems that were coming up.
But her thought was, “I don't want to look like I'm complaining and I don't want my boss to think that I can't do my job.”
And so, she asked me. “How do I write the email?”
This is what your brain will do. Your brain will jump to an action. It will say, “Can you please tell me how to write the email so that she doesn't think I'm complaining and that I can't do my job?”
This is the wrong approach. You don't need the right action. You need the right thought.
So I told her, “You need to go inside. How do you know that you're not complaining How is you raising this issue a sign that you're actually really good at your job? You need to convince yourself.”
That's exactly what you did. She thought about it and she said, “Well no, this is a real issue. I see it every day, and if it continues as it's been going we're not going to meet our metrics. And the fact that I'm raising it means I'm really GOOD at my job because I'm looking out for potential issues and I'm brave enough and determined enough to bring them to people and try to solve them.”
And here's the cool thing that happens when you are really solid in your own opinion of what you're doing, and your decisions, and why you're doing things, and who you are as a person.
When you're feeling solid and convinced and determined, you can hear other people's opinions and you have the emotional bandwidth to be curious about why they're saying what they're saying.
It's exactly what my client did, because I asked her, “Okay. Now you're feeling determined. And what if your boss says, ‘No, I don't think it's a problem.’?”
She was able to say, “Huh… Well, then I would think about: Why is she saying that? And what more do I need to tell her? Maybe I need to give her an example. Maybe I need to show her some scenarios.”
And she started coming up with the actions for herself.
She didn’t need me to tell her how to write the email or how to phrase it or whether to give examples. She didn't need any of that.
What she needed was to address her own thought, her own fear, and be convinced and have conviction in herself.
And once she had that, it was super easy.
She was like, “Oh, of course. This is how I would explain it. And of course, someone might disagree, but this is how I persuade them.”
So the same thing applies, whether you're just trying to raise an issue at work, but you're afraid of how it might look, or whether you're making a big decision about who to date, or a new career, or moving to a new city or anything else where your brain is telling you:
“Oh, no, but what will people think?”
The only one thing you need to do is to go inside and address the part of you that agrees with that opinion.
And once you feel solid and you have no more concerns, you’ll know exactly what to do.
And other people can tell you their opinions all day long, and it’ll bounce right off of you and it won't bother you at all.
So if you want to do more of this work — if you want to gather your courage, build your conviction, and create the life you want to be living, then come talk to me and let’s get started.
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