3 sentences I use to harness my perfectionism for good (part 2)
Yesterday, I started telling you about 3 sentences I use to harness my perfectionism for good.
(Not “get rid of” or “cure” my perfectionism. Just point it in a more helpful direction :)
Sentence #1 was: Perfection is a direction. You can read all about it in yesterday’s post.
Here is Sentence #2—
Low-cost lesson! 🙌🏽
Learning lessons through books is satisfying.
I love to sit down with a textbook or a course and go through all the lessons systematically.
There’s nothing like the satisfaction of learning new things, one piece at a time.
(Yes, I am Hermione-Granger-level nerd.)
Learning lessons through experience can be pretty freaking annoying.
I can still vividly remember a meeting I led in my first year of working.
I had been receiving great feedback for my presentation skills so far.
I thought I was doing a great job in this meeting as well — I was being charming and funny while also getting all the main points across and keeping the meeting on track.
And then after the meeting, my boss pulled me aside.
And she told me, “Pooja, you’re normally great in meetings, but you got too comfortable in that one. You were too casual. Some of the phrases you used were too informal. Don’t forget, we’re still presenting to a senior audience here. Button it up.”
I was SO embarrassed. I pretty much just wanted the earth to swallow me up whole 🧍♀️⤵️🕳️
In that moment, I was experiencing a cognitive illusion called Hindsight Bias, aka the “I should have known” error.
Obviously, I DIDN’T know I was being too informal in that meeting.
If I had known, I would have corrected it immediately!
But once I DID know, I completely forgot what it was like NOT to have known.
I couldn’t erase that knowledge from my brain.
I couldn’t remember what it felt like NOT to know that.
Suddenly, the fact that I was being too informal became the most blindingly obvious, incontrovertible, unquestionable fact in the world.
And my brain told me “You should have known!!!!” and proceeded to feel terrible.
Even though there was literally no way I could have known until I was told.
The “I should have known” error can make learning lessons through experience (not books) feel pretty freaking terrible.
Even knowing that this is an illusion, not a truth, can help make it feel less terrible.
But here’s what I do to take the edge off my embarrassment and frustration when this happens…
I imagine myself learning the exact same lesson, many years in the future, in a WAY higher stakes environment.
And then I look at the way I DID learn the lesson, and I tell myself…
Hey, low-cost lesson! 🙌🏽
My boss just told me I was too informal in that meeting?
Imagine learning that lesson for the first time five years from now…
In a big boardroom, in front of an audience that was totally unfamiliar with me…
With a boss who wasn’t my fan and sponsor…
In a meeting that was critical for my career.
Hey, compared to all that, I just got a low-cost lesson!
I learned it in front of an audience that had worked with me for many months, with a boss who was a big supporter of my work, in a meeting that was just a check-in and not a critical presentation.
Whew! I got a pretty good deal on that lesson!
So as you go through your day today…
And you feel the irritation of learning new lessons through experience and then having your brain tell you, “You should have known!!!!”
I want you to do what I just did.
Imagine yourself learning the exact same lesson, many years in the future, in a WAY higher stakes environment.
And then look at the way you DID learn the lesson, and tell yourself…
Low-cost lesson! Thanks, universe! 🙌🏽
Shakespeare once said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “It's not things that upset us but our judgments about things.”
Let me say the same thing to you now, just in my language, not theirs:
Your circumstances aren’t the problem.
Your thoughts about your circumstances are the problem.
And learning how to separate your thoughts from the facts…
And then change your thoughts about the facts…
So that you feel better, act differently, and create different outcomes in your life…
Is exactly what you learn how to do in coaching.
We’re doing it right now — in all the newsletters I send to you :)
And if you want to take your mastery of this skillset to the next level and apply it fully in your day-to-day life.
Then come talk to me and let’s get started :)
There are two ways you can work with me.
You can be one of my private one-on-one clients.
Book a free consult to come talk to me about how we can work together.
Or you can join my course & coaching program when it opens shortly.
Join the waitlist today :)
⬅️ Sentence #1 || Sentence #3 ➡️
What my clients have to say…
“I was not used to spending so much money on my well being and my personal success. I wasn't used to investing in myself.
It's funny, we spend so much money on trips and even little subscriptions that add up, but you're never really taught to prioritize your own well being.
But after just a few sessions, I was like, ‘I've already got my money's worth.’
Don't skimp where it matters the most, which is investing in yourself.
If you read or listen to her content, you already have a pretty good idea of how she thinks about things.
If you resonate with that, working with her is ten times the value.”
—Client | Solutions Engineer at Fintech Company
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