3 ways to sit with a feeling until the insight tumbles out (part 1)

Way #1: Treat the feeling like a trusty warning light 💡

Yesterday, we kicked off our series: 3 ways to sit with a feeling until the insight tumbles out.

Like I told you in the introduction…

I like to think of feelings as eggs 🥚

Your Automatic Brain takes in the facts of a situation 👀

It does a ton of thinking and calculation and computation… 🤔

(All of it under the surface, below your conscious awareness… 😶‍🌫️)

And then your Automatic Brain hands you an egg 🥚

Your brain is like: “Here! This is the result of all my thinking, calculation, and computation! This is the answer!” 🎁

But here’s the thing about the answer your brain gave you.

The egg is…just an egg. It’s not yet a fully hatched chick.

The feeling is…just a feeling. It’s not yet a fully articulated insight.

And in order to get the full insight… YOU need to incubate the egg.

So in this series, I’m going to give you 3 ways to incubate the egg 🥚

3 ways to sit with a feeling until the insight tumbles out 🐣

Here’s Way #1—

Way #1: Treat the feeling like a trusty warning light 💡

I want you to think about something that you’re good at.

Something that you feel confident in your ability to do well.

Something that comes easily and naturally to you.

It might be writing and analyzing documents.

It might be building financial models and doing quantitative analysis.

It might be listening to other people’s situations and giving them advice.

It might be playing tennis.

It might be a video game you’re really good at.

It might be having a good sense of direction and being able to find your way when you’re lost.

Whatever it is, think of a thing where you inherently trust yourself to do it well.

A skill that is totally in your wheelhouse and plays to your strengths.

Now I want you to imagine yourself doing that thing.

Go inside the moment — inside the step-by-step process — of you doing that thing.

Let’s say you have a really good sense of direction and you’re good at finding your way when you’re lost.

Here’s my guess of what happens.

You’re on your way, walking or driving to a place and suddenly, something feels off.

You can subtly sense that you’re not going in the right direction. That something’s not quite right. That something is amiss.

You don’t know what it is yet. You just have a vague, slightly unsettled feeling.

That vague, slightly settled feeling is your first-layer reaction. It’s just the very first, automatic reaction that your brain has to the situation.

And you also have a second-layer reaction TO your own first-layer reaction.

You have a wraparound feeling ABOUT your own first-layer reaction.

And when you’re doing something that you think you’re good at — something that you trust yourself to do well…

That second-layer reaction TO your own vague, unsettled feeling is often something like “Interesting. I wonder what feels off. I wonder what my brain has picked up on.”

That wraparound feeling is often something like calmness, curiosity, and trust.

And when your wraparound story AROUND the vague, unsettled feeling is “Interesting. I wonder what my brain picked up on,” and a feeling of calmness, curiosity, and trust…

Your next step tends to be to just wait until the insight that your brain picked up on precipitates out of your brain.

---

So you’re on your way, walking or driving to a place and suddenly, something feels off.

And you pause. You look around. You scan the area. You wait.

And suddenly, an insight precipitates out of your brain.

You realize: “I think we’re going in the wrong direction. I know Google Maps said to turn right but I think it’s just taking us on a loop for no reason. There’s a shorter way to get there.”

And you go in a different direction and take the shorter route.

Or you’re looking over a pitch deck that a startup just sent you and suddenly, something feels off.

You pause. You scan the pages. You stare into space for a few seconds. You wait.

And suddenly, an insight precipitates out of your brain.

You realize: “I think they’ve overlooked a key issue. When you factor that in, all the numbers here change. We’ve got to talk about this.”

And you start asking questions about that key issue.

Or you’re planning out the next steps for a project you’re running and suddenly, something feels off.

You pause. You stare at your calendar. You stare at your documents. You scrunch up your face. You wait.

And suddenly, an insight precipitates out of your brain.

You realize: “We need one more meeting. We’ve talked to these stakeholders and we’ve talked to this partner team but we haven’t gotten this one key person alone to really hear their thoughts. Let’s get that meeting on the calendar.”

And you put your new plans into motion.

When it comes to those things that you’re really good at — the things you trust yourself to do confidently and well…

What makes you so good is NOT that you never run into problems.

What makes you so good is NOT that you never feel that vague, anxious, spiky, uncertain, unsettled, “I don’t think I’m on the right track,” “something is going wrong here” feeling while you do it…

What makes you so good is that you DO feel that feeling…

You DO pick up on something feeling off, on things not being quite on track…

And you incubate that feeling calmly until the insight hatches out.

You incubate it in a wraparound story of “Interesting. I wonder what my brain picked up on.”

You incubate it in a wraparound layer of calmness, curiosity, patience, and self-trust.

And when you do that, the insight tumbles out when it’s ready.

You already know exactly how to do this.

You have plenty of experience doing this already, when you are in the middle of doing things that you trust yourself to do well.

You already know the exact mental muscle movement to do this.

Now you just need to apply it in more areas :)

---

In my one-on-one coaching program, we talk a lot about second-layer thoughts and wraparound stories.

It’s one the 10 techniques I teach people for getting out of stress and back into flow.

And I’ve found that it’s one of the most powerful tools you can use.

Because often, your first-layer reaction isn’t even that painful.

It’s your second-layer reaction that MAKES it more painful.

The first layer of fear isn’t actually that scary.

It’s your fear OF the fear that makes it ultra super scary.

Or the first layer of stress isn’t actually that painful.

It’s your stress ABOUT the stress that makes it really painful.

Or the first layer of anger isn’t actually that explosive.

It’s your anger ABOUT your anger that makes it dangerous.

Or whatever other combination of first- and second-layer feelings you might have — it’s not always the same feeling in both layers :)

But when I notice my clients having an angry, fearful, judgmental, shameful second-layer reaction to their own thoughts…

That’s when I tell them, “Let’s work from the outside in. Let’s address your second-layer thoughts first.”

Let’s tell your brain — and SHOW your brain:

Hey brain, you might be scared. But I’m not afraid of your fear.

You might be angry. But I don’t think your anger is a problem.

You might be unsettled. But I trust your unsettled feeling.

So let me sit with you until the insight you’re having precipitates out.

Let me sit with this egg until it’s ready to hatch :)

And often, that solves the problem.

Get started trying this on your own.

And if you get stuck…

(You might get stuck! This can be a tricky skill to master!)

Come talk to me, and let’s put together a plan to help you build mastery of this skill in the next few months.

I’m ready when you are :)

---

What my clients have to say…

“I think the biggest transformation is not hating my brain.

Now, I work with it and am like, ‘Oh, right, it's doing this to protect me. Thanks, brain!’

I love that I have this relationship with my brain that's like a partnership.”

—Client | CEO, PE-backed company

---

Did you know I have a full table of contents, where all my work is categorized by topic, so you can easily find what you need right now? Check it out below! :)

---

💻 Website | 📸 Instagram | 🎧 Podcast | 💌 Newsletter | 👋🏽 Free resources