A backdoor hack for liking yourself more

The way you think about others is the way you think about yourself

Pooja Venkatraman

Jan 04, 2024

This is my backdoor hack for liking yourself more:

Judge other people less.

While you walk around looking at other people, talking to them, interacting with them…

Notice what they’re doing well.

Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Appreciate how hard they’re trying.

Think about how you don’t know what’s going on in their lives.

Let me give you a concrete example of a time I did this, because I used to be a really judgy person in my head.

I used to always color-commentate what everyone else was doing in a snarky way and think about why it was silly or stupid or funny.

And I remember this moment when I saw this woman, and she had on (what I thought was) really garish blue eyeshadow.

And my first thought was, “What is she doing? What IS that? Does she know she looks ridiculous?”

And then I paused, and I was like, “You know what? Maybe this is the brave thing she did for herself today. Maybe she was like, I love this eyeliner and I’ve never gotten up the courage to wear it, but I’m going to do it today.”

And I literally imagined her in her bathroom that morning, putting it on, being so proud of herself, and then stepping out with this eyeliner on.

And that’s what I want you to do too.

If you have a judgy little brain just like mine, it might go around making snarky little comments about what everyone else is doing.

And when it does, take the time to redirect your internal commentary and think, “This is the good thing about this person. This is the cool thing about this person. I don’t know what’s going on with them. Maybe this is a big step for them.”

And the reason for doing all this? You’ll be so surprised at the effect it has.

It really shifts your relationship with yourself.

When you do this for others, you also start talking to yourself in a nicer way.

And appreciating things you’re doing.

And giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.

And patting yourself on the back for trying.

The way you think about others is the way you think about yourself.

So judge other people a little bit less.

And watch your relationship with yourself improve.

If you had to narrow your focus for your 2024 resolutions and you could only work on ONE thing this year…

You know what would give you the most bang for your buck?

Improving your relationship with yourself.

Because your relationship with yourself affects everything in your life. Your career. Your family. Your hobbies. Your friendships.

If there was ONE skeleton key to unlock your whole life, ONE master variable controlling everything else, it would be this.

How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake?

Do you need others to pour validation into your cup, or can you pour it in yourself, even when others won’t?

Do you claim your successes proudly — or do you shrink back, dismiss them, and wait for the other shoe to drop?

If you don’t like your answers to those questions, don’t worry.

Because here’s what it takes to change your answers—

A single one-hour conversation every week.

How could that possibly be the case?

Come talk to me and find out :)

Book a free coaching consult

What my clients have to say…

“I’ve gained the ability to notice when I'm in the more negative thought patterns and to recognize that no amount of bullying myself is going to result in the change I want.

I’ve been able to build a more positive, affirming, confidence-building narrative about myself and spend just as much time looking for evidence that I spend time exactly how I should and that I'm already fully capable, rather than just looking at the negative.”

—Client | Early-Stage Tech Startup Director turned Design Consultant

Less Stress, More Flow with Pooja V.

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