A Radical Idea to Combat Your Inner Critic: Be Delusional
In some ways, combatting your inner critic is very simple. (Not easy. But simple.)
Your inner critic says, “You’re so stupid. Why did you screw that up? You’re such a mess.”
And you say, “Nope! Actually, I’m very intelligent. I did an awesome job with that. I’m completely on top of things.”
But people don’t want to talk back to their inner critic this strongly.
They tell me—
Whoa whoa whoa, that’s too much.
I don’t want to delude myself.
I don’t want to miss any possible areas of improvement.
I want to have a reasonable and realistic view of myself — not an inflated and unrealistic one.
Let me tell you something right now.
Your current view that you are not good enough is delusional.
It is NOT reasonable. It is NOT realistic. It is NOT helpful for improvement.
And if you adjust your view of yourself in a way that seems “reasonable” to your internal critic…
You will be under-correcting it.
Let me give you an analogy.
The view that people of all races have equal worth is delusional…to a racist.
The idea that non-heterosexual people are just as worthy as heterosexual ones is delusional…to a homophobe.
And I bet that you don’t want to hold any opinions that sound “reasonable” or “realistic” to racists and homophobes.
And I bet you don’t want to go to racists and homophobes for advice on how brown people and gay people can “improve.”
You WANT your opinions on race and sexuality to look delusional to racists and homophobes.
Racism and homophobia are biases.
They start with the idea that there’s something fundamentally WRONG with certain races or sexualities.
And if you are of that race or sexuality, there’s nothing you can do to prove yourself worthy.
You can try to be a “good brown person” or a “good gay person” in their eyes…
But it’s a losing game every day. Racist or homophobic ideologies will ALWAYS finds fault with the people they’re biased against, no matter what they do.
Because they’re starting with the PREMISE that there’s something fundamentally wrong with certain races or sexualities. And so nothing will ever be good enough.
Your inner critic is actually pretty similar. It has a bias against YOU.
It starts with the idea that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
And that there’s nothing you can do to prove yourself worthy.
You can try and try to “be good enough” in its eyes…
But it’s a losing game every day. The inner critic ALWAYS finds fault, no matter what you do.
Because it’s starting with the PREMISE that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. And so nothing will ever be good enough.
And that’s why I want your view of yourself to look delusional to your inner critic.
Just like I want your views on race and sexuality to look delusional to racists and homophobes.
AND…
I don’t want you to feel bad that you have an inner critic that is biased against you.
WE. ALL. DO.
There’s NOTHING wrong with you for having an inner critic that behaves this way.
From birth, we’ve been bombarded with messages that we are not good enough as we are.
If you’re not straight, white, male, and cisgendered, you’ve probably received a booster dose of these messages.
But EVERYONE gets smacked with them. Even tall white guys :)
And your brain has just absorbed and internalized these messages through osmosis.
If you spend decades in rooms with cigarette smoke, you’ll get lung cancer.
If you spend decades getting messages about how you’re not good enough, you’ll start believing it.
This is 100% completely normal.
(This is why women are unconsciously biased against women, and brown people are unconsciously biased against brown people. It doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t help us. We just picked it up from our environment.)
But now that you know…
You can do the work of un-biasing yourself.
So don’t negotiate with your inner critic. Don’t accommodate it. And don’t take its advice.
Disregard it in the same way you would disregard a racist opinion.
And be – in the eyes of your inner critic – completely delusional.
Combating your inner critic is not a one-and-done solution.
It’s a lifelong practice and process.
And it is THE most important practice and process of your life.
How you feel about yourself — whether you think you are fundamentally, in your bones, a GOOD person who is worthy and capable of everything you want…
Is, in my opinion, the #1 predictor of success and happiness.
Because when you unconditionally believe that you’re AMAZING, you just keep trying to get what you want, whether that’s a goal, or a habit, or a better relationship, or a better emotional state.
Why would you stop? You believe you can get it, and you deserve it! And you even have fun doing it :)
But when you constantly criticize and question and tear yourself down for everything you do, you eventually just stop trying because it’s so damn painful.
(And then you beat yourself up for quitting too :(
At its heart, in my course & coaching program…
We work on your relationship with yourself.
Because that’s the unlock to everything else.
Come join in me in 2023 :)
From Imposter to “I Got This.”
The High-Stress High Achiever’s step-by-step guide to:
- Eliminate work stress and imposter syndrome
- Get clear + get moving on their next career step
- Create a life they love living
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