Accept yourself or change yourself? First, ask these 2 questions.
If you’ve got an active inner critic (like me!), you’re probably quick to identify bad habits that you need to change.
But how do you know when something is a genuine problem that you should invest time into changing?
And when something is not a problem at all, and simply a neutral feature of your preferences and personality?
You order takeout two nights a week. Bad habit you need to change…or not a problem?
You bounce around doing what you feel like doing rather than following a structured plan. Bad habit you need to change…or not a problem?
When people send you random requests not related to your core job, you don’t get back to them unless they ping you at least twice. Bad habit you need to change…or not a problem?
I don’t want you to blindly say, “My current habits are never a problem. I’m perfect as I am.”
OR to blindly say, “My current habits are always a problem. I’m always doing something wrong.”
So let me give two questions to ask yourself so you can take a more nuanced and thoughtful approach.
How do you feel while you’re doing the thing?
What are the external results of you doing the thing?
If, when you order takeout two nights a week…
You feel relaxed and celebratory while eating the takeout
BUT the external results are that you feel sluggish the next morning, your workout performance is worse, and the weight on the scale is creeping up in a way you don’t want
It may be time to make a change to this habit!
Let’s see how you can still feel relaxed and celebratory in the evenings while ALSO getting the results you want.
If, when you bounce around doing what you feel like doing rather than following a structured plan…
You feel a cloud of guilt and shame hanging over you all day long (you’re basically in the Dark Playground)
BUT everything ultimately gets done on time and you never drop any balls
It may be time to make a change to this habit!
It’s great that your external results are on point — but feeling guilty and ashamed all day is no way to live.
Let’s see how we can adjust the WAY you do things all day (either what you do OR what you’re thinking & feeling that drives you to do it) so you can feel better all day long too.
If, when you ignore random requests until you get pinged twice…
You feel certain that your attention needs to be on higher-priority items
AND the people pinging you always end up finding another way to get what they need
This is not a problem!
You may think you’re “supposed to” always be responsive and maintain inbox zero… But the reality is, you’re making a good decision here. Keep doing what you’re doing and have your own back :)
Your automatic brain moves so fast. It will throw these kinds of “This is a problem! Get to work fixing it!!” assessments at you very quickly.
But it’s very worth it to slow down and ask: Is this even a problem?
Especially if you’ve spent your whole life “eternally fixing yourself” and feel like you’re just on a hamster wheel of self-blame disguised as self-improvement.
Sometimes the answer is that there is no problem to be solved.
And all you need to do is trust yourself, trust your instincts, and keep walking the path you’re already on.
Because being who you really are and doing what you want to do is more than enough to get you there.
This can, weirdly, be harder and scarier to accept than just jumping into the next self-improvement project.
So if you want some help letting this land…
And some rigor in helping you identify where you’re already on the right track and where you want to make a change…
Come talk to me and let’s get started :)
📸 Instagram | 💌 Newsletter | 👋🏽 New? Start here