Accepting vs. resisting a job you don't like
Today, I want to talk to you about resisting vs. accepting a situation that really sucks.
Let’s say you’re in a job right now, and it’s awful.
You’re definitely planning to leave. The leadership is awful. The work is terrible. It’s super stressful. It doesn’t align with your values.
But you’re not leaving right this second.
You’re planning to stay for a few more months while you figure out what your next step is going to be and recruit for your next job.
So you’ve got this time period where you know you’re going to leave…
You know you’re not happy with where you are…
But you haven’t actually pulled the trigger and left yet.
Let’s talk about, in that situation, resisting your current reality vs. accepting your current reality.
This is what resistance looks like.
You spend all day at your job (and outside your job!) constantly thinking about the GAP between what should be and what is.
You say again and again: “This job should be like this. My boss should be like this. I shouldn’t have to work on this stupid, boring task. This is so badly run.”
You put all your focus and attention on the GAP between what should be and what is.
And when you do that, all your energy goes towards analyzing and rehashing and telling everybody about how terrible this job is.
You’re writing essays and think pieces in your head and going over all the evidence again and again.
And all that energy is NOT going toward figuring out what’s next.
That’s resistance.
This is what acceptance looks like.
Acceptance is when you say: This IS.
You’re not focusing on what should be. You’re not focusing on the GAP between what should be and what is.
You’re just saying, “Yes, it IS like this. My boss IS like this. My work IS like this. The culture IS like this. The business model IS like this. Okay.”
And you stop fighting what is.
Acceptance is not condoning.
It’s not, “It’s OKAY that it’s like this.”
It’s just, “It IS like this.”
Acceptance is not defeatism.
It’s not, “I’m stuck here.”
It’s not, “Every job is going to be like this. Every part of my career is going to be like this. Every company is going to be like this.”
It’s just—
“In this place, in this phase of my life, this IS what it’s like.
I’m going to stop fighting it.
I’m going to stop having conversations with myself and everyone else about why it’s so terrible that it is this way, and how it should be, and precisely what’s making it so terrible.
I’m just going to say it IS this way.
I’m going to let myself feel the disappointment, the grief, the rage that it IS this way.
But I’m going to accept that this current state IS this way.”
And when you do that, it frees up your energy.
You can stop directing all your energy at fighting what is.
And instead direct your energy to getting out.
So if you’re in a situation right now where you’re planning to leave but you’re not leaving yet, and you’re frustrated with your current situation…
See if you can get yourself from resistance and fighting the reality of what is…
To accepting that this is what it is…
So you can focus on what’s next.
I know. This can be easier said than done.
If you’re struggling with this, that is completely understandable.
Your brain is not crazy.
It has valid, logical reasons why it’s hanging on to its resistance of the situation — why it’s fighting acceptance.
So come talk to me and let’s figure out what they are.
We can work through it right away with free anonymized public coaching.
It’s no cost to you. No strings attached.
Just 30 minutes dedicated to getting you on the path to acceptance rather than resistance so you can free up your energy to focus on what’s next.
Or let’s talk about working together in my one-on-one coaching program.
If you’re thinking…
“Oof, I think I might need more than a 30 minute booster shot of coaching to find acceptance…
I think it might require a few rounds of problem-solving and reps before I can find that ‘acceptance spot’ in my brain and consistently stay there.
But I can tell — this resistance is keeping me stuck. Constantly focusing on what’s wrong now is actually preventing me from moving forward and finding what’s next.”
Then it might be time to work with a coach.
Come talk to me and let’s put together a plan for how we can focus your energies in the right direction and get you out of that job and into your amazing next step :)
What my clients have to say…
“I felt like every Monday, regardless of what happened that week, I had someone who had my back and would help me gently course correct.
Pooja would always help me push off my week to a great start so that I wouldn't lose out on the progress I had made or forget about all the good things I was doing.
To kick start my week like that felt like a superpower.”
—Client | Solutions Engineer at Fintech Company
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