Arrogance vs. Confidence
THE most common topic I discuss with my clients is imposter syndrome.
And as we work on recognizing their accomplishments and building their confidence, the #1 worry people have is: Will this make me arrogant?
And my answer is an emphatic NO.
Arrogance has, at its core, a seed of insecurity.
An arrogant person can’t take in feedback or hear that they might be wrong. They’ll dismiss you, or argue with you, or become defensive.
And that’s because arrogant people have quite a fragile sense of self, which is why they’re clinging so desperately to the idea that they have to be right.
Confidence is the opposite of arrogance.
Confidence says — My sense of self, my legitimacy, my belonging in this room, and my overall good-enough-ness are never the issue.
An insecure person skews their problem-solving by worrying “Am I good enough? How can I prove myself?” — which is a total distraction from the problem at hand.
An arrogant person ALSO skews their problem-solving by thinking “I’m the best. I’m always right.” — which is ALSO a total distraction from the problem at hand.
A confident person isn’t thinking about themselves at all.
They are 100% focused on the problem in front of them, and they’re not taking anything personally — good OR bad.
A confident person is curious and open-minded about the situation in front of them — which lets them find the TRUE root cause of the problem.
They don’t go in assuming the problem is a sign of how unqualified they are (insecurity) OR a sign of how stupid everyone else is (arrogance).
A confident person has conviction AND flexibility about their perspective. They’ll hold their ground where it makes sense AND adjust their stance if they get new information.
They don’t cave at the first dissenting opinion (insecurity) OR cling to their ideas no matter what (arrogance).
A confident person generates an endless well of creative solutions and just keeps trying things until they find what works.
They don’t wilt at the first failure (insecurity) OR blame others for not listening to them (arrogance).
Defeating imposter syndrome is not about inflating your ego.
It’s about creating a baseline level of security within yourself so that you can problem-solve, fail, learn, get feedback, and do your job without being DISTRACTED by questions of worthiness, belonging, or legitimacy.
It’s not about thinking you’re the smartest person in the room.
It’s about putting the whole QUESTION of “Am I smart enough? Am I good enough?” TO BED FOR GOOD so you can focus on what actually matters — the problem in front of you.
Because “Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Do I belong here? Am I qualified?”…
Are all the WRONG questions to be asking.
None of these are the issue. They are only distractions.
AND…
You have an automatic human brain that has evolved, above all, to keep you safe.
So your brain will not stop focusing on these questions (and distracting you from the actual job at hand) until they are resolved.
And how the heck are you supposed to resolve them?
Step by step. One at a time. By uncovering and rewriting your stories and beliefs until you’ve shown yourself that you are safe.
It is a process and a practice — not a one-time fix.
And it’s exactly what I help my clients do.
So if you’re ready to put imposter syndrome to bed, reclaim that part of your brain that’s kept you worried and distracted for so long, and clear your head so you can do the best work of your life…
Come talk to me and let’s get started.
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