Do you have to be anxious to achieve big things?
I was listening to a great interview with Conan O’Brien recently, and he mentioned a time early in his comedy career when he was between jobs, didn’t know what to do next, and he got SO stressed about his career that he developed shingles and had to go the hospital.
And my first thought was: Oh shit, do you have to be THAT anxious and THAT stressed out in order to achieve big things? Am I not stressed enough??
But as I thought about it more, I came to the conclusion:
No. I don’t think you have to be stressed to achieve big things.
Here’s why.
Stress and anxiety just reveals the depth of your desire for something to happen.
Desire for something to happen
+ Belief that it won’t happen
= Stress & anxiety
I have zero belief that I’ll ever be a professional basketball star…AND I have zero desire for that to happen. Therefore, I feel no stress or anxiety about it.
I have a really strong desire to leave huge legacy of my work behind me after I die…AND I have total certainty that it’s going to happen. (I’m doing it right now!) Therefore, I feel no stress or anxiety about it.
I just feel calmness, drive, determination, and focus.
(Notice that Strong desire for something to happen + Belief it WILL happen ≠ complacency and laziness!!)
So when you feel that inner-critic-driven, you’re-not-good-enough stress and anxiety…
You do NOT have to accept it. It is NOT a necessary ingredient for success.
And you do NOT have to give up on or “edit down” your big goals, dreams, and visions in order to get relief from the anxiety.
You have to target the real culprit, which is your belief that the thing you want won’t happen.
Let me give you 3 ways of changing that belief.
Way 1: The sunglasses switch
Right now, you’re wearing your “It won’t happen” sunglasses, and everything is tinged by the gloomy coloring of that lens.
Your brain is primed with that belief and it’s busy gathering all the evidence that proves it true and discounting or suppressing any evidence that proves it false.
It’s like a flywheel that keeps gathering momentum the longer that it spins.
We’re going to get your mental flywheel turning in the opposite direction.
We’re going to take those sunglasses off and put on your “It will happen” sunglasses with a couple of thought exercises.
Here’s one—
Imagine if someone from the future came and told you:
This goal you’re aiming for? It’s 100% guaranteed. You ARE going to accomplish it — beyond your wildest expectations.
Really let that sink in for a moment… FEEL that being true…
What would you do next?
Go do that thing.
Or here’s another—
Imagine the future version of you, who has accomplished your goals and is living the exact life you want to be living.
Bring them into the present day. Show them the situation you’re currently facing.
How do they look at this situation? How would they handle it? What would they do next?
Go do that thing.
Way 2: The line-by-line approach
Dump out all of your brain’s specific reasons why the thing you want won’t happen.
Don’t let them just swirl in your head in a vague mass.
Get them out onto paper, one by one.
(At the end of the day, it’s probably <20 reasons.)
And then? Sit down and write a fully reasoned counter-argument to each reason.
If your brain’s objection is:
“I can’t do it because I’ve never been successful in the past.”
What are other times you’ve been successful at something after failing at it first?
Every skill you have, you learned it from zero. How is it possible to do that here too?
If your brain’s objection is:
“I can’t do it because I don’t know how.”
What DO you know? How are you NOT starting from zero?
And how CAN you easily close any knowledge gaps you have?
Think of yourself like a lawyer arguing a case. There is always a counterargument or an alternate perspective on something.
So fully flesh out your counterarguments to ALL your brain’s objections until all you’re left with is the belief: Hey, this IS possible.
Way 3: Test the hypothesis
When your brain is insisting that your dream or goal is totally impossible…
Don’t update your goal upfront.
Instead, look at “This goal is not possible” as a neutral proposition for you to prove or disprove.
Treat this like a research project run by a scientist. You have a hypothesis, and it’s now your job to disprove it.
So say: I’ll update my goal ONLY after I’ve tried everything possible to make it happen, gathered the evidence, and tested my hypothesis.
Let’s say you want to get a job as a product manager, but you’re not sure if you have the right qualifications.
DON’T decide that it’s impossible upfront and then not even apply to product management jobs.
Test your hypothesis! Gather the data before making a decision.
Which in this case means: Apply and interview for product management jobs.
You will either discover that your hypothesis was wrong and that you CAN get the job — because you’ll get a job.
Or you’ll discover that your hypothesis was right, you CAN’T get the job — and you’ll discover WHY. You’ll have concrete data to inform what you want to do next.
And then you can adjust your goal in an educated, thoughtful way rather than giving up before you even get started.
These are three incredibly robust ways to build your belief that what you want is possible to achieve. (You could spend a full month implementing just one of these.)
And believing it’s possible is what lets you go after the things you deeply desire without being fueled by stress and anxiety the whole way there.
(You get to be fueled by determination, confidence, conviction, and flow instead :)
And, as great as these three approaches are…
If you skim what I wrote and halfheartedly try it out once, it’s not going to work.
All tools are only as good as their implementation.
And the easiest way to guarantee that you’ll implement this all the way to the end?
Hire a coach.
Hire me, if I’m the best fit for you. (Come do a free consult call to assess the fit!)
Or if you like another coach better but you like these approaches, send this article to the coach you like and tell them you want to implement THIS.
I would love to work with you, of course.
But my number one priority is NOT that you hire me.
My number one priority is that you get results.
I want you un-stuck and making real, concrete progress asap.
And the best way to get unstuck and start getting results is to stop kinda-sorta doing it by yourself and invest in real, concrete implementation support.
The kind of support that is designed and guaranteed to get you over the finish line.
And that’s exactly what I provide.
So come talk to me, and let’s get started today :)
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