“Doing it right” does not exist.
Stop falling for this illusion 😶🌫️
Most of us have spent our entire lives being told what’s good and what’s bad. What’s wrong and what’s right.
Our parents tell us “it’s good to clean up” and “it’s bad to leave a mess.”
Our teachers tell us “it’s good to study” and “it’s bad to procrastinate.”
Our bosses tell us “it’s good to hit your targets” and “it’s bad to miss your targets.”
Advertisers tell us “it’s good to have straight white teeth” and “it’s bad to have no plans on a Friday night.”
Sometimes, all these people “tell us” directly, with their words.
And more often, they “show us” through their behavior, and then we intuit and internalize the rules based on who gets praise and who gets punished and who’s treated like a winner and who’s treated like a loser.
(It sticks even more strongly in our mind when they “show us” rather than “telling us.”)
And because we spend our whole lives being surrounded by people telling us, both implicitly and explicitly, what’s right and what’s wrong…
“Doing it right” becomes a hero metric in our minds.
It becomes THE thing our brains are constantly scanning and monitoring and measuring and assessing 24/7 in the background.
It’s like a quiet background soundtrack that’s been playing for so long in your mind that you probably don’t even realize it’s there unless you consciously turn your attention toward it.
And it’s constantly asking:
“Did I do it right?” “Did I do it right?” “Did I do it right?”
“Am I doing it wrong?” “Am I doing it wrong?” “Am I doing it wrong?”
“Did I do a good job?” “Did a bad job?” “Was that stupid?” “Was that brilliant?”
“Should I have done that?” “Should I have said that?”
The questions never turn off.
And the emotional impact of the answer to that question never turns off either.
But I am here to tell you this—
“Doing it right” doesn’t exist.
“Doing it wrong” doesn’t exist.
“Doing a good job” doesn’t exist.
“Doing a bad job” doesn’t exist.
Here’s how I know this is true.
Let’s use this very article as the proof.
Is this a good article, or a bad article?
Am I doing this right, or am I doing this wrong?
I want you to imagine that I’m standing in front of a room of 300 people. I’m holding up this article, and I’m asking them that question.
Here’s what I can guarantee:
Every single person in that room would have a different answer to my question.
Some would say “This is the most brilliant article I’ve ever read. It completely changed my life.”
Others would say, “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. You’re a fraud and a charlatan.”
Others would say, “It’s fine. Just mid. Whatever. I’ve seen better.”
And someone else would say, “The message is really good but the writing is kind of hacky and unsophisticated.”
And on and on — every other possible opinion would also exist in that room.
You think that when you ask, “Did I do this right?” the voice of god comes down and tells you: YES ✅ or NO ❌
But here’s what really happens. You ask, “Did I do this right?” and a cacophony of random voices gives you every possible response in the world 🔵🟨🔶🟣◾🔺✳️🔘
This is what I mean when I say “Doing it right” does not exist.
There is no objective universal standard of doing ANYTHING right or ANYTHING wrong in this world.
Not anyone else’s.
And not even your own.
Even your OWN standard changes with time, mood, context, and a million other variables.
You think there is one clean, universal YES ✅ or NO ❌ answer to your question.
But there’s only an ocean rainbow cacophony of responses that constantly change based on who you ask, when you ask, how you ask, what else is going on when you ask, whether you ask again, whether you ask alone or in a group, whether you ask in the morning or the evening, and anything else you could think of.
This is why I’m telling you:
“Am I doing it right?” is a terrible hero metric.
“Am I doing a good job?” is not a helpful question to keep on loop 24/7 in your brain.
So here’s what I want you to do next.
Before you rush in and ask me — Okay, but what question should I be asking instead?
Pause.
Take a breath.
Don’t be in such a big rush to swap one false certainty for another.
One metric for another. One rubric for another. One structure for another. One framework for another.
One MEANING for a different but equally limiting MEANING.
Stay here for a while in the nothingness.
Stay here in the “I don’t know.”
Notice what the silence sounds like.
Hear the wind whistling in the space where something used to be.
This is the truth.
In truth, there is nothing.
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