How I killed my imposter syndrome, live, in the middle of a conversation

Pooja Venkatraman

Oct 06, 2023

I’m going to tell you a story of a time that I got very stressed out and was feeling like a total fraud…

And I was able to walk myself back into confidence and belonging in the middle of a conversation.

I didn’t need to step away. I actually shifted my thinking and my emotions LIVE.

Here’s what happened.

My friend invited me to an AI and ML engineering happy hour — basically, a networking event.

My friend works in tech, and she brought me along as a friend.

And I, of course, try to meet new people as much as possible, as part of my job.

Nevertheless, I felt awkward even going. I absolutely did not belong there.

I’m a life coach. I write words on the Internet for my living.

I have never worked in tech. I took one Java programming class in high school and didn’t even do that well in it.

Nevertheless, I bravely went to the event, thinking, “My friend is here, so at least I can hang out with her.”

But of course, I wasn’t expecting anyone to babysit me for the entire night.

At one point, we ended up in different circles, and I was alone with a group of people I didn’t know, all of whom worked deep in tech.

Immediately, my stress went through the roof.

I could barely listen to what everyone else was saying.

They were throwing out names and concepts I’d never heard of.

And all I could hear in my head was:

I don’t belong here. I’m a total fraud.
I have nothing to contribute to this conversation.
How bad would it be if I just left right now?

And the way that I was able to walk myself back into confidence and belonging was this.

I pointed my brain at the question: “What do we have in common?”

I was like, “Brain, all you have to do is work on this one question. Listen to everything they’re saying and just keep looking for: What do we have in common?”

And when I looked for it…I found it.

They worked in giant corporations. I’ve worked in giant corporations.

There are lot of inefficiencies that come up in giant corporations, across all different industries.

As they were describing some of their frustrations at work, I recognized some of the struggles I had been through.

I had found an inch of common ground. I had something I could talk about.

I jumped in. I commented on the patterns I had seen. They responded well.

And the more I talked, the more I relaxed.

And the more I relaxed, the MORE I found in common.

Suddenly, I heard myself saying, “Actually I think there could be some really interesting applications of AI in coaching…”

And I went from wanting to run out of the room two minutes in…

…to staying for nearly two hours and meeting a bunch of really interesting people.

So that’s how I killed my imposter syndrome live, in the moment.

I identified WHY I was feeling so unsafe — WHY I was feeling like such a fraud and imposter.

In this case, I thought I didn’t belong. I thought we didn’t have anything in common and that I wasn’t supposed to be there.

And then I asked myself, what DO we have in common?

I asked myself the opposite question.

And I actively sent my brain on a quest to answer that question.

Brains are really good at doing whatever you ask them to do.

So when I sent my brain on that quest, it came back with some answers.

And when I acted on those answers and started talking, my confidence and belonging grew, bit by bit, until I was myself again.

Coaching isn’t about fixing yourself.

Coaching is about returning home to yourself.

Every coaching conversation is a dedicated space where you can meet yourself again.

Come home today.

Book a free coaching consult

What my clients have to say…

“I was worried about the cost. But every single session was well worth it.

Coaching with Pooja is the best investment I made last year, by far.

And I made a lot of investments last year — we spend a lot of money on a lot of different things to try to improve our life.

And if I had to go back and redo last year, I would have invested in coaching sooner."

—Client | Head of Business Development at MedTech Company

Less Stress, More Flow with Pooja V.

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