How To Break a Bad Habit: Yes the Want, Change the How
You know those frustrating bad habits?
The ones where you’re watching yourself do the thing, knowing full well it’s only making your life worse, but you just can’t seem to stop?
I’ve experienced this so many times:
Ordering takeout when I’m having a chronic pain flare-up . . . fully knowing that overeating makes my pain worse
Watching TV instead of starting a big project . . . fully knowing that it’ll only be harder to complete with less time
Putting off responding to a text by one more day . . . fully knowing that it’s only getting more awkward the longer I wait
Here’s what’s really happening when you experience an urge like the ones above:
Your brain is offering you a problem AND a solution all at once.
“I want relief from the pain — and the best way to do that is to eat some nachos.”
“This project is too big and overwhelming — we should watch TV and deal with it later.”
“I’m not sure I want to be talking to this person — maybe I’ll feel like it later though.”
You don’t need your urges to go away.
You just need to untangle the problem from your brain’s proposed solution and find a better solution.
Say YES to the want. Change the HOW.
“I DO want relief from this pain. Let me take a warm bath and a nap.”
“This project DOES feel too big. Let me break it into smaller pieces so I can start getting my arms around it.”
“I actually DON’T want to talk to this person. How can I gently let them down?”
Your urges are not a problem.
They’re just your brain jumping the gun on offering the solution to your problem.
So when you’re feeling a strong urge to do something you KNOW isn’t helpful…
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you feel.
Your brain is just being very fast in its problem-solving!
And all you need to do is slow down and ask yourself:
What do I REALLY want right now?
And how can I give that to myself in an EVEN BETTER way?
PS: Fully implementing this approach happens in waves.
It’s not an instant fix.
It’s an ongoing process of trying things, watching your brain throw a full tantrum in protest, trying more things, and testing, learning, and adjusting until you finally figure it out.
Especially because many urges happen in a moment of high emotion.
And learning how to take care of your brain when it’s all worked up and work WITH it to come up with a new plan is a powerful life skill that will make everything easier and give you a sense of control even when you’re maximum freaking out.
And that’s exactly what you learn how to do in coaching — week after week, systematically, until you’ve got the hang of it for life.
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