How to Have High Standards Without Burning Yourself Out
Every high achiever I know wants to do things really, really well.
And the downside (according to them) is that their high standards also cause them to feel stressed, inadequate, and ultimately burnt out.
So what’s to blame? Their “perfectionism” of course!
Why can’t they just relax and stop trying to be so perfect all the time?
What if I told you that there is a way to have it all?
The rigorously high standards.
The impeccable quality.
Without the tension, stress, guilt, and never-ending hustle.
How is this possible?
It’s possible because…
The GAP between your standards and reality is just a NEUTRAL CIRCUMSTANCE.
Your problem is not that you have high standards.
Your problem is not that there’s a gap between those standards and what’s in front of you.
Your problem is the thought you are having ABOUT the gap and what you are making the gap MEAN about you.
Broadly speaking, there are two things you can make the gap mean:
“I'm so bad, and I need to claw my way out of this deficit.”
“That took longer to finish than I expected. Ugh, I can never stick to my schedule. I’m always so behind. How am I ever going to get everything done?”
“I don’t know what I want next in my career. I’m the only one who doesn’t have this figured out. How does everyone have their lives together? How did I miss the boat?”
“That meeting didn’t go the way I expected. God, I’m so awkward. Why didn’t I prepare more? I bet I’ve lost all credibility with that team.”
“I'm so good, and I'm having fun getting even better.”
“My roots are always flat after I style my hair. Drying my hair differently didn’t work. Let me try those clips I saw my hairdresser use. I love figuring out these little tricks.”
“Someone just came to me for advice. Ooh, this is fun! I love answering unexpected questions. What do I want to tell them? How can I break their problem down?”
“We missed our metrics this quarter. That’s weird, we’re usually so on top of things… You know what, I bet it’s because our incentives are misaligned with that other team. What can I do to change that and see if it helps?”
All of these situations started with a gap. All six situations have unanswered questions and unwanted results.
The reason they feel so different is because of how you react TO the gap and what you make it mean.
Whether you take it personally, as a sign that you aren’t good enough…
Or whether you know that you can solve it and just get busy having fun trying.
You already know what you need to do to close the gap.
The question is:
How can you drive those actions with clean-burning, sustainable fuel (curiosity, fun, flow, self-assurance)…
Rather than low-grade crap that spews black smoke into your atmosphere (shame, anxiety, inadequacy, fear)?
And let me tell you something right now:
You already have areas in your life where you react in the “I'm so good, and I'm having fun getting even better” way.
You already have this groove in you.
You just need to apply it in all the situations where your brain wants to go in the “I’m so bad” direction.
You need to build your belief that you are baseline GOOD. And that every gap is just a fun opportunity for you to take the reins, shine, and get even better.
You don’t need to lower your standards.
You’re welcome to if you want. But the reality is that there will still be gaps.
So you’re going to need a more productive relationship with gaps anyway.
And you know what? Why NOT be a perfectionist? Why NOT aim for the moon?
Why not stake out a vision for the best damn possible outcome, the thing you truly want, that no one else thinks is possible, and flex your genius in figuring out how to make it a reality?
Your high standards are only a problem if you make the pursuit into a punishing slog rather than a journey of discovery.
The point of standards isn’t to be perfect all the time.
It’s to have so much FUN understanding why you aren’t there yet and to REVEL in your own strength and creativity every step of the way.
Your smart, hardworking brain is so good at finding gaps.
That’s part of what makes you so freaking good at things.
What if you don’t need this habit to go away?
What if you can harness it to do the best work of your life AND feel better than ever?
To stay consistently in flow, working in tandem with the perceptive genius that is your automatic brain?
You’re already seeing all the gaps.
Now imagine if they made you feel energized and empowered rather than stressed and depressed.
If they were the steady upward path to the best version of yourself rather than the downward spiral into a beatdown.
Feel impossible? Hardly. Come talk to me, and we’ll make it inevitable.
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