How to Talk to Your Inner Critic
This is a concept I talked about in my How to Like Yourself Masterclass, but it bears repeating, so I’m going to repeat it today :)
It’s very easy to think of your inner critic as a horrible monster who trips you up, tears you down, finds something wrong in everything you do, and then kicks you when you’re down.
But what I’ve found is that thinking of your inner critic as a monster isn’t that helpful.
It doesn’t kill the monster.
It just adds even MORE uncomfortable emotions into the mix.
You still have the same inner critic…AND now you have a bunch of fear, anger, and resistance in there as well.
So let me give you another way of thinking about your inner critic.
Underneath your inner critic is the scared, 5-year-old version of you who thinks the only path to safety is self-rejection.
Your inner critic is not a monster.
It’s not here to abuse, malign, or strangle you.
It is just the little, five-year-old version of you that is really, really scared and genuinely believes that the only way to be safe and loved is to be perfect, be nice, be quiet, be normal, and never do anything wrong.
And that little five-year-old is SO scared, and believes these things SO strongly that they are now lashing out at you in an attempt to keep themselves safe.
Have you ever seen a situation where someone is really upset and starts lashing out at another person…
…and the other person responds with genuine kindness and sympathy…
…and that totally takes the wind out of the sails of the angry person?
Nothing de-escalates anger and fear faster than warmth and kindness.
Your inner critic isn’t out to get you.
Your inner critic is just the scared five-year-old version of you trying to keep itself safe.
So reach underneath its anger, to the little-kid pain and the fear that lies underneath it.
And tell that little kid:
I love you exactly the way you are. You don’t have to change for me.
I love you when you’re angry. I love you when you’re scared. I love that you’re so determined to keep yourself safe.
I’m sorry you were ever made to feel like you couldn’t be yourself.
But it’s okay. I’ve got you now.
You have safety, and love, and belonging right here with me.
No matter what.
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