How to tell if you really want what you say you want
A 30 second test
It might surprise you how often I ask people what they want, and what goals they want to work toward in coaching…
And they tell me, “Well, here’s what I think I want, but honestly, I’m not sure if I really want it, or if it’s just what I’ve been conditioned to want.”
This is an extremely fair perspective to take on your own goals and desires.
No one lives in a vacuum.
We are constantly surrounded by chatter from friends, family, loved ones, mentors, books, media, podcasts, etc…
All telling us what a good life is supposed to look like.
And this chatter is so constant and so omnipresent that it can be hard to tell what you really want, vs. what you think you’re supposed to want.
So here’s a simple way to tell.
When you think about what you want…
Are you excited about the day-to-day experience of maintaining that thing?
Or the point-in-time experience of telling people you have that thing?
For example…
When you say, “I want to get to the C-suite”…
Are you excited about the day-to-day experience of managing a team and delivering results and working with a board?
Or the point-in-time experience of telling people you’re a C-suite leader?
When you say, “I want to build a successful startup”…
Are you excited about the day-to-day experience of bringing something from zero to one and then scaling it?
Or the point-in-time experience of telling people you had an amazing exit?
When you say, “I want to be a novelist”…
Are you excited about the day-to-day experience of creating characters, building plot lines, and editing drafts?
Or the point-in-time experience of seeing your book on shelves?
When you say, “I want to get married”…
Are you excited about the day-to-day experience of maintaining a long-term partnership with someone else?
Or the point-in-time experience of telling people you’re engaged?
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question.
It’s okay if you’re 100% excited by the point-in-time destination and 0% excited about the day-to-day journey.
Truly! No judgment here :)
But I do find that the MORE people are excited about the day-to-day experience…
The more staying power they have on their pursuit…
The higher their chances are of getting to the destination…
And the higher their chances are of staying at the destination without burning out.
Because they’re not “starving themselves for one big meal at the end.”
The journey itself is keeping them fed.
Now here are the two objections I most commonly hear after I tell people this.
Objection 1: “But Pooja, all I really want to do day-to-day is watch Netflix and do nothing.”
If this is you: You don’t have an ambition problem. You have a burnout problem.
You don’t actually want to watch Netflix and do nothing for the rest of your life.
(If you did, I can guarantee you wouldn’t be reading this post.)
But the way you are working currently is so energy-draining that your brain can’t imagine doing anything but resting.
That’s totally okay. But we have to solve that problem first.
We have to change your day-to-day mental operating model so that it is at least energy-neutral, if not actively energy-generating.
That’s Pillar 1 of what I help my clients do, in the 3 pillars of building your career around flow.
Objection 2: “Okay fine, I don’t just want to watch Netflix all day… But the day-to-day activities I enjoy aren’t going to make me any money.”
If this is you: This is a product design problem.
This is like saying, “People use generative AI to respond to emails. But no one’s going to pay that much money just to have emails written for them. So gen AI can’t make any money.”
Gen AI is a technology. Writing emails is a use case.
And if writing emails isn’t a particularly lucrative use case…
That doesn’t mean the technology as a whole is worthless.
It just means you have to find a more lucrative use case.
The exact same thing applies to you. The day-to-day activities you enjoy are the “technology” that you’re working with.
And just because your brain is imagining less lucrative use cases for that technology right now…
Doesn’t mean that there aren’t more lucrative use cases out there.
We just have to test and iterate our way into them.
That’s Pillar 2 of what I help my clients do, in the 3 pillars of building your career around flow.
So if these are the objections your brain is giving you, to being fed by the journey and not only by the destination…
Come talk to me.
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
It’s not a sales pitch.
It’s just an opportunity for us to talk about whatever’s on your mind…
And I’ll give you some one-off coaching and brainstorming about your situation.
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
Let’s solve your burnout problem.
And solve your product design problem.
And solve your sales & marketing problem (that’s Pillar 3 of building your career around flow — tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want).
And get you set up so that you love your day-to-day…
AND that day-to-day is leading you to a destination you’re super excited about :)
What my clients have to say…
“Call me the eternal skeptic, but sometimes I wonder with coaches and therapists: Do they want you to be able to do this for yourself eventually, or do they want to keep you there forever?
And with Pooja, I really felt like I progressed with this skill set. I can coach myself and get through challenges in my head because I have this skill set from what we worked on together.”
—Jenny Xia Spradling | Founder & Co-CEO, FreeWill
I help high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
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