If you spend all day at work quietly afraid that you’re not adding enough value…
You need to read this
One of the most common thoughts that kicks high achievers into fight-or-flight is: I’m not adding enough value here.
And because adding value is absolutely core to high achievers’ sense of security and identity…
Once you think you’re not adding value, your brain will kick you into fight-or-flight to try to solve the problem.
And the two solutions that your brain comes up with when it’s in fight-or-flight are:
Over-work — go into overdrive, work all night, work all weekend, think about work even when you’re not working, work and work and work
Under-work — pull back, contribute less, hesitate, try half-heartedly, decide that you don’t want this anyway, quietly give up
When your brain perceives a threat, it will either activate energy or deactivate energy in order to keep you safe.
And this is what that looks like in the “I’m not adding value at work” context — over-working or under-working.
Now the problem is that neither of these are super effective solutions.
If you under-work, “I’m not adding enough value here” will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You’re doing less, trying less, and pulling back.
So yes, you will be adding less value.
This one is pretty easy to understand.
If you over-work, “I’m not adding enough value here” will become an anxiety hamster wheel, and you run and run without ever getting to the destination.
This one is a little trickier to grasp.
Because when you’re on the anxiety hamster wheel, it really feels like you’re just one task away from feeling okay.
But this is a cognitive illusion.
I want you to ask yourself: How often have you told yourself, “I just need to do this one thing, and then I’ll be back on track”?
“I just need to get through these emails, and then I’ll be okay.”
“I just need to get past that big meeting, and then I’ll be okay.”
“I just need to get through this week, and then I’ll be okay.”
And have you ever actually felt okay after that one thing?
Or is there always more stuff to do afterwards, and you’re back on the hamster wheel, and the NEXT thing is what will make you feel okay?
When your brain is in fight-or-flight, on the OVER-working side, it’s kind of like being this little hamster.
He can run and run — but he’s never getting to Hawaii.
So when your brain tells you, “I’m not adding enough value here”…
The real solution here is not to over-work OR under-work.
The real solution is to pull your brain out of fight-or-flight.
And then assess the situation from baseline, not from “emergency mode.”
Your brain is really good at turning off fight-or-flight when there’s a clear external signal that the threat has been resolved.
See a tiger ➡️ Run from the tiger ➡️ Now you’re far away from the tiger, and your brain turns off fight-or-flight because it can see that the threat has been resolved.
(That’s your brain activating energy in response to a threat, and then coming back to baseline once the threat has been resolved.)
See a tiger ➡️ Play dead until it goes away ➡️ Now the tiger is gone and your brain turns off fight-or-flight because it can see that the threat has been resolved.
(That’s your brain deactivating energy in response to a threat, and then coming back to baseline once the threat has been resolved.)
But there aren’t really clear external signals that the threat has been resolved in an office setting.
Was that a good meeting or a bad meeting?
Is your boss mad at you, or just distracted?
Is this obstacle just a speed bump for your project, or is it going to get derailed?
There’s way too much ambiguity at play.
And when your brain doesn’t get a CRYSTAL CLEAR signal that everything is okay again…
It will keep fight-or-flight turned on just to keep you safe.
But fight-or-flight was never meant to be used for hours, days, weeks at a time…
It was meant for short bursts, with a fairly quick return to normalcy.
Your system can sustain a quick hyper-activation or hypo-activation of energy when needed — just like a car can accelerate to 120 mph or brake suddenly when needed.
But staying in “emergency mode” for hours or days or weeks at a time just burns your system out.
Just like constantly going at 120 mph or constantly braking hard will burn a car out.
All of which means…
When you feel that quiet background fear that you’re not adding enough value…
And you feel that accompanying instinctual urge to either over-work or under-work…
You need to recognize that what’s really happening here is that your brain has gone into fight-or-flight.
And then you need to manually turn that off and come back to baseline.
So that you can assess whether the problems even exist.
(Is it really a tiger, or just the trees rustling in the wind?)
And if the problems really do exist — if there really is a tiger lurking in the woods…
Then all the more so, you need to come back to baseline.
Because your best problem-solving comes from your calm, grounded center — not from emergency mode.
Manually turning off fight-or-flight and coming back to baseline.
Coming back to who you are when your protective mechanisms aren’t activated.
Coming back to yourself.
Is exactly what I help my clients learn how to do.
And when you can turn off fight-or-flight and come back to flow on demand…
You can see exactly how to add value at work and stop feeling anxious.
You can deliver your best performance and stop doubting yourself.
You can get on top of your to-do list and stop feeling overwhelmed.
You can see clearly whether your current role is the best fit for you or not and stop waffling about whether to stay or go.
You can have confidence and conviction on your next career step and stop spinning about what to do next.
You can navigate your way over to your next role effectively and efficiently and stop feeling like a nervous actor auditioning for a part.
You can get off the hamster wheel and get to the destination.
Because the destination was a state of mind – not an external set of circumstances – all along.
Come talk to me today to get a demo of how this works :)
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
It’s not a sales pitch.
It’s just an opportunity for us to discuss whatever’s on your mind…
And I’ll offer some one-off coaching and brainstorming about your situation.
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
So you can learn the skill of turning off fight-or-flight and coming back to flow, for life :)
What my clients have to say…
“When you have aspirations and big ambitions, it's really easy to be harsh on yourself.
What changed the game for me was realizing that being mean to yourself and making progress are not related to each other at all.
Actually, you can have a completely normal, healthy relationship with yourself and encourage yourself AND make progress.
I enjoy the process so much more now.”
—Client | Solutions Engineer at Fintech Company
I help high-stress high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you (or inside you)
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
Today’s article focused on #1.
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
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