If you’re always worried about what other people think, ask yourself this question
This calms my brain down so fast 😮💨
Here’s one question I’ve been using with my clients recently to help them toggle their brains from fight-or-flight to flow—
Are you a subject or an object?
When you’re in Object Mode, you’re like a performer on stage.
You’re seeing yourself from the outside.
You’re imagining what other people will think of you.
And you’re constantly adjusting and editing and censoring your actions based on those other people’s hypothetical judgments.
When you’re in Subject Mode, you’re a builder and creator.
You’re not the object on stage for everyone to judge.
You’re the one behind the camera, directing the movie.
You’re the writer, penning the story.
You’re the builder, deciding what to make.
So the next time you feel stress, or fear, or fight-or-flight flare up today…
I want you to ask yourself: Am I a subject or an object?
And if I were to be in Subject Mode…
If I were to approach this situation like a builder and creator, not like a performer and approval-seeker…
What would I do differently?
Now I know what you’re about to tell me next…
“But Pooja, other people’s opinions matter!!”
“I DO need my boss to be impressed with my work.”
“I DO need to persuade this colleague to do what I’m saying.”
“I DO need this client to buy my product.”
“I can’t just go around ignoring other people’s opinions!”
Yes. I 100% agree.
Other people’s opinions DO matter, and you often DO need to work toward eliciting a specific reaction from someone else.
But here’s the crazy thing about Subject Mode and Object Mode…
The more you’re in Object circumstances…
The more important it is that your brain stays in Subject Mode.
The more important that it is that you elicit a certain reaction from someone else…
The MORE crucial it is that you remain a builder and creator, in your own mind, rather than becoming a performer on stage.
Let me tell you why.
Have you ever seen a nervous comedian on stage?
Someone who’s not sure if they’re going to have a good night or not.
Someone who’s terrified of bombing.
Someone who REALLY needs you to laugh for them to relax and feel okay.
It’s super painful to watch them, right?
You get really nervous FOR them and the chances of you laughing plummet!
Now how about a calm, confident comedian?
Someone who doesn’t NEED you to laugh in order to feel okay.
Someone who’s relaxed and loose and takes charge of the room.
Someone who can even poke fun of themselves when things aren’t going well.
It’s super fun to be in that audience.
Because you get to relax and let them take the reins.
The same thing applies to you when you’re the one on stage.
Whether it’s a big presentation, or a one-on-one call, or writing an important email…
You are way more likely to create the reaction you want…
You are way more likely to be a successful “object” in the eyes of others…
If you stay in Subject Mode in your own brain.
And here’s the secret trick to doing that :)
You’ll still get reactions from people, no matter which mode your brain is in.
But to stay in Subject Mode even when you’re in Object circumstances…
You have to see other people’s reactions to you not as final damning judgments on you, the object…
But rather as interesting inputs for you to consider as the creator and subject.
Interesting ink for you to dip your pen into, as the writer.
Interesting clay for you to shape, as the builder.
That’s how you stay in Subject Mode even when you’re literally putting yourself up to be judged by others :)
Toggling your brain from fight-or-flight to flow is literally my whole thing.
So if you’ve been feeling stressed and stuck at work or in your life lately…
Come talk to me and let me help.
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
You tell me what’s on your mind — what problem you’re facing, that’s got you feeling stressed and stuck.
I’ll help you toggle your brain from fight-or-flight to flow, so you can see the best way to handle your situation.
(And give you advice based on the hundreds of hours I’ve spent coaching high achievers in very similar situations.)
And off you go on your merry way — un-stressed and un-stuck :)
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
I can toggle your brain one time, in an hour.
But I can’t teach you the whole toolkit for doing that consistently and repeatably in an hour.
But I CAN teach you that over the course of a coaching package.
And the sooner you learn this skill, the sooner you’re going to create the life and the career that you want — one that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
Let’s start today :)
What my clients have to say…
“It’s honestly fun.
You’re working on the most important thing in your life — your goals and your aspirations.
And you’re doing it in a manner that is not harsh or strict. In fact, it’s quite fun.
It’s like a video game, and you get to gently make progress towards the things that matter.”
—Client | Solutions Engineer at Fintech Company
I help high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
Today’s post focused on #1.
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
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