Me Problem vs. Process Problem
Productivity, performance, and a distinction that changes everything
Hi everyone! This week’s podcast episode is up!! :)
In this episode, I talk about the productivity and performance side of aligned ambition.
Specifically, I introduce a distinction that comes up all the time in my work with clients — and that I use constantly in my own life:
Me Problem vs. Process Problem
This distinction matters any time something doesn’t go the way you wanted it to.
A meeting doesn’t land.
A project doesn’t get the result you expected.
You miss something you “should have” anticipated.
You procrastinate, get distracted, or don’t follow through the way you intended.
Before you jump into tactics, fixes, or self-improvement plans…
There’s one critical step that determines whether your troubleshooting will actually help — or just burn you out.
Listen to the episode here:
If you want to level up your performance where you are…
Nail your career transition with less emotional friction…
Or you’re just noticing that improving your productivity and performance feels emotionally expensive or slow…
Come talk to me, and let’s get you moving forward smoothly and effectively today :)
And if you’re not in a listening mood, I’ve also included a written summary of the key concepts below.
The podcast is all me, all the time. The written summary is AI-generated and edited by me.
A summary of today’s episode—
Performance problems vs. productivity problems
I tend to see issues fall into two broad buckets.
Performance problems are about execution and effectiveness.
You go into a meeting and get a question you didn’t anticipate.
You realize afterward that you missed a key stakeholder or next step.
You plan something thoughtfully — and still, something important slips through the cracks.
Productivity problems are about focus, follow-through, and energy.
You want to be more focused, but you keep getting distracted.
You want to procrastinate less, but you still find yourself avoiding the thing.
You want to spend less time on your phone — and somehow it’s always in your hand.
Different surface symptoms, same deeper issue.
When something doesn’t go the way you wanted, the most important question isn’t what should I do differently?
It’s: Am I framing this as a Me Problem, or a Process Problem?
What “Me Problem” framing looks like
When your brain frames something as a Me Problem…
It takes the gap between what you wanted to happen and what actually happened…
And it makes that gap mean something bad about YOU.
If performance was the issue, the story sounds like:
“I’m not capable.”
“I’ve hit my ceiling.”
“I’m just not cut out for this.”
If productivity was the issue, it sounds like:
“I’m lazy.”
“I can’t be trusted.”
“I need to get my shit together.”
Notice what all of these have in common.
They’re not about a specific behavior or moment.
They’re blanket statements about you as a human being — your character, your potential, your identity.
There’s a neutral circumstance: the gap between what you wanted and what happened.
Your brain then offers an automatic interpretation of that gap — a thought that turns it into a Me Problem.
And that thought generates a feeling.
Usually something heavy.
Shame.
Embarrassment.
Frustration.
Anger.
Fight-or-flight emotions.
Me Problem framing leads to worse action
Once you’re in that emotional state, notice what kinds of actions tend to follow.
What I see most often is what I call boom/bust behavior.
Either you go all-in:
Delete every app
Throw your phone across the room
Over-prepare for everything
Decide you need to overhaul your entire life immediately
Or you do the opposite:
Give up
Avoid
Decide there’s no point trying
Tell yourself you should just quit or start over somewhere else
The issue isn’t that any specific action is inherently wrong.
The issue is the headspace the action is coming from.
When actions are driven by shame, urgency, and self-distrust, they tend to be:
More frantic
More emotionally expensive
And most importantly — less effective!
Now, you’re an extremely capable person, so you can still get decent external results even from this state — which is why it’s so hard to spot.
But it’s exhausting.
And it caps how effective you can actually be.
What “Process Problem” framing looks like
Process-problem framing sounds very different.
Instead of asking, What’s wrong with me? the question becomes:
What didn’t I know, anticipate, or account for in the process?
Let’s take a performance example.
You walk into a meeting and get blindsided by questions you didn’t expect.
The Me Problem story is: I’m bad at this.
The Process Problem story is:
“Oh, there was something I didn’t anticipate.”
“I didn’t realize this had been tried before.”
“I didn’t know this was the main concern on people’s minds.”
Nothing personal. No character judgment.
Just: There was a gap in the process.
So you adjust the process.
That’s it.
Even “bad habits” are Process Problems
This distinction matters even when you do know better.
A client once asked me:
What if I know I shouldn’t procrastinate, and I still do it anyway?
Isn’t that a Me Problem?
I actually think that’s still a Process Problem.
Your brain is made up of lots of different circuits.
Most of them may be aligned on what you want.
But a few circuits might be trying to protect you — from overwhelm, fear of failure, or discomfort.
When those circuits take over in the moment, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken.
It just means you didn’t know how to navigate your own mental circuits in a way that kept them all moving in the same, desired direction.
That’s not a character flaw.
It’s a process issue.
Why this hits high achievers especially hard
For high achievers, productivity and performance aren’t just things you do.
They often become part of your identity.
So when something doesn’t go well, it doesn’t feel neutral.
It feels like an identity violation.
Your brain freaks out — not because the mistake was catastrophic, but because it threatens the story you tell yourself about who you are.
That’s why your brain escalates so quickly into Me Problem framing.
It’s trying to protect you.
Unfortunately, it does that in a way that’s emotionally costly and less effective.
This especially matters at inflection points and transitions
This distinction becomes especially important at inflection points — moments when the operating model that got you here won’t get you where you want to go next.
By definition, you have to try new things.
Some of them won’t work.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re updating your operating model.
The same is true during transitions — changing roles, companies, careers, or launching something new.
Transitions involve a lot of conversations, a lot of iteration, and a higher-than-usual failure rate.
If your brain treats every miss as a Me Problem, you’ll burn out or give up too soon.
If you can consistently reframe those misses as Process Problems, you stay calm, curious, and effective.
So do this starting today…
Before you troubleshoot productivity or performance, pause.
Ask yourself:
Am I seeing this as a Me Problem?
Or am I seeing this as a Process Problem?
You can usually tell by how it feels.
Me Problem framing feels urgent, shameful, and emotionally intense.
Process Problem framing feels calmer, more objective — and sometimes even fun :)
From that calmer place, your solutions will almost always be better.
Try this simple exercise that blew my freaking mind… 🤯
Think of a recent situation where you framed something as a Me Problem.
Notice how you felt.
Notice what actions you took.
Now think of a situation where your brain naturally treated something as a Process Problem.
Notice how you felt.
Notice what actions you took.
And then lay these two instances side by side and notice the difference.
The contrast is usually mind-blowing.
(In the podcast episode, I explain what it actually felt like when I did this exercise for myself and why that moment genuinely blew my mind.)
And come talk to me about working together one-on-one :)
If you’re at an inflection point or a transition point, this distinction matters even more.
And this is where having support makes the work dramatically easier.
I do this for a living. And even I still work with a coach.
Not because I don’t know these tools — but because I still have a human brain.
My brain still flips into Me Problem mode on a regular basis.
And having someone objective, who has no emotional skin in the game, makes it much easier to de-escalate, see the situation clearly, and get back into calm, effective Process Problem mode.
When you try to do this alone, it can take weeks or months to get out of a loop.
With support, it often takes days.