My Coaching Secret: Future Self Mode š¤«
Here at Your Brainās BFF, we do a lot of identifying thoughts that arenāt helping you and finding more helpful replacements.
And these kinds of āline-by-lineā thought changes are great.
But let me tell you about one coaching technique thatā¦
Supercharged all of the work I was doing
Gave me the most bang for my buck
Was my single guiding light in the most confusing and uncertain periods of my life
Continues to be THE #1 thing I do to tackle my problems and create the life I want every single day
Here it is:
FIND and SNAP INTO your Future Self Mode as often as humanly possible.
Method 1: Who do you want to be?
For whatever area of your life that youāre working on: Picture your perfect future self as clearly as you can in your mind.
What are all her circumstances?
I know Iām always telling you that circumstances donāt cause feelings. But this is your chance to let your mind go WILD.
Your brain totally believes that the job title / dollars in your bank account / relationship status / number on the scale / perfectly checked off to-do list / etc. etc. will make you feel a certain way.
So today, weāre going to lean into it.
What does she look like? What does she wear? How does she walk into a party?
Where does she work? What is her job title? What has she accomplished?
Where does she live? What is her life like? What are her hobbies? How does she spend her time?
What are all the perfect circumstances that signal, beyond a doubt, that she has MADE IT?
Get her very clear in your head. See her. Feel her. Give her a name.
And then ask yourself: How does she handle the situation in front of me right now?
Let me give you some examples from my own life:
When I desperately wanted the promotion: If I was a Director now, how would I handle this situation?
When I was nervously exploring a writing career and feeling both directionless and fraudulent: How does Pooja the Well-Established, Expert Creator handle this situation?
When Iām frustrated gaining and losing the same five pounds: How does Goal Weight Me handle this situation?
Method 2: Who have you always been all along?
For some people, picturing the perfect future circumstances doesnāt really resonate. They either donāt have any circumstances theyāre really dying to achieve, or thinking of them is more scary than motivating.
If this is you, I want you to go backwards, not forwards.
Find all the times that you have been the person you want to be in the past.
How are you already the person you want to be?
Look in different areas of your life (work, home, friends, chores, hobbies).
Look in different time periods of your life (now, your previous jobs, in college, as a child).
When you are in the best version of me mode:
How do you act? How do you think? How do you feel?
How do you react to situations in front of you? How do you move through the world?
You already HAVE the mode you want to be in.
You just need to identify it and learn how to trigger it consistently.
Some more examples from my own life:
Iāve always been the Nerdy Consulting Problem-Solver. Thereās nothing I love more than a conference room and a whiteboard and lots of frameworks. I LOVE breaking problems down and understanding how to make things better. So when I feel like Iām making lots of mistakes and fucking everything up: How does the Nerdy Consulting Problem-Solver break this down and figure it out?
I live and breathe creative flow. Iāve been a writer since I was a child. Some of my favorite moments have been late at night, working away quietly on an essay or a deck. I didnāt know exactly what the final shape of the product would be. But I had infinite self-trust, working hand-in-hand with my own instincts to take each single step, knowing the whole would unfold in its time. So when Iām feeling lost and behind and like a 100% screw-up at everything: How does Creative Flow Me hold her own hand and navigate this WITH herself, not in combat with herself?
I have always been an advisor. In seventh grade, I would go from study hall to study hall, offering to edit peopleās essays. Give me any question, and Iāll research, synthesize, and concisely communicate my answer. āCoachā just happens to be the latest form this clay has taken, but this is who I have always been. So when Iām feeling fraudulent and directionless and unsure of what to do next: How does The Expert I Have Always Been navigate this?
As you can see, I have a bunch of Future Self Modes. Iāll create as many as I need.
Whichever method you take, if you can find your Future Self Mode powerfully and consistently, your brain will blow you away with its unexpected wisdom.
The person you most want to be is already in there.
So tap into her and start being her today.
PS: This is not about finding your future self once.
This is about staying in Future Self Mode consistently.
Your brain will give you resistance.
It will say: āThis doesnāt make sense. This doesnāt resonate. I canāt find it. Iām too stressed. My future self would never face this situation.ā
None of this is a problem.
All of this is an opportunity.
To find the future self that does resonate.
To figure out how to be her even when it seems illogical and impossible.
To learn more and more about who she is and who you really want to be.
Every piece of resistance you flip and integrate will only make the person you want to be stronger and easier to find the next time around.
And this is exactly the work we do in coaching. Youāll find it once. And then youāll practice and troubleshoot and solve all the weaknesses until itās not something you have to find ā itās just who you are.