My ex-boyfriend used to tell me I was wrong about this…
But I think I was right.
Many years ago, I had a boyfriend with whom I would have the same fight again and again.
He would tell me: “I’m being logical. You’re being emotional.”
And I would say: “Emotions have their own logic. You just refuse to learn it.”
Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.
But I think what I said in those fights was true — so much so, that I’ve built my whole career around it.
Emotions are the most important thing in the world.
Because everything you do is to create an emotion, or avoid an emotion.
Seriously, look around at everything you’re doing right now.
Why are you responding to emails and messages?
Because you want to feel productive and useful and on top of things.
Why are you working hard to get promoted and go to the next level in your career?
Because you want to feel smart and accomplished and successful.
Why do you go out and do stuff on the weekends?
Because you don’t want to feel bored or stagnant or FOMO.
In fact, I want you to pause right now in the middle of reading this post and ask yourself:
Why are you doing this?
What emotion are you trying to create, or trying to avoid, right now, by reading these words?
Everything you do is to create an emotion, or avoid an emotion.
So it might be helpful to learn the math of emotions.
And yes, there is math to emotions.
And (as I told my ex-boyfriend): It’s not even that hard. You just have to learn it.
Here’s the math equation that rules all your emotions, and therefore rules everything you do and everything you want, in the world.
I mean, it’s not even math. It’s really just a flowchart.
And the most important thing this flowchart can teach you about your emotions…
Is that the call is coming from inside the house.
Aka: Your feelings are not being created by the outside world — by what people said, and what people did, and how things turned out, and everything that’s ever happened to you, and everything that continues happening to you.
Your feelings are being created by your thoughts — by your interpretation of all those things.
Now I know it doesn’t feel like you’re sitting around and “making interpretations” all the time.
Stuff happens, and you feel an emotion instantaneously.
So it’s like, “What thoughts? What ‘interpretations’? Stuff in the outside world is just reaching inside me and pushing my buttons directly!”
But what’s really happening is that your Automatic Brain is making instant, effortless, unstoppable interpretations for you.
And those instant, effortless, unstoppable interpretations are creating all the emotions that you feel.
So in order to feel the way you want to feel…
And remember, everything you do is to create an emotion, or avoid an emotion.
So feeling the way you want to feel is pretty much the only thing you want.
You have to understand the architecture of automatic thoughts that is making you feel how you feel today.
And then you have to tweak that architecture until it creates the feelings (and outcomes!) you want.
You don’t have to furiously do more stuff until you feel better.
You don’t have to desperately achieve more until you feel better.
If you’ve been doing stuff and achieving stuff for a while now…
But none of those actions or achievements have led to a permanent change in how you feel day-to-day…
It’s time to go to the actual root cause of your feelings and work from there.
The good news is that getting the thing you want most – which is to feel a certain way – is 100% in your control.
The weird news is that the most effective path for getting it feels quite unintuitive.
Which is why it can be really helpful to have a coach :)
So come talk to me, and let’s do some emotional math problems together.
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
It’s not a sales pitch.
It’s just an opportunity for us to talk about whatever’s on your mind…
And I’ll give you some one-off coaching and brainstorming about your situation.
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
You can’t learn a semester’s worth of calculus in an hour, and you also can’t learn a lifetime’s worth of Emotional Math in an hour.
But you can learn it over a few months with regular teaching, practice, and homework.
And that’s what a coaching package is all about — think of it as one-on-one tutoring for the most important class of your life.
So let’s start today :)
What my clients have to say…
“Pooja strikes a really strong balance between troubleshooting immediate problems but at the same time, really tying in that there are tools I need to solve all my problems.
And that even though a problem I run into this week is different from a problem I run into next week, you can use the same frameworks to work your way out of it.
Now, I feel like I have a nice tool chest of frameworks and habits that I can rely on that not just change my work life, but also my personal life too.”
—Client | VP at Major Financial Institution
I help high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
Today’s post focused on #1.
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
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