My Favorite Problem-Solving Shortcut: Same Goal, Different Path

Pooja Venkatraman

May 13, 2024

Today, I’m going to give you my favorite problem-solving shortcut.

I use this all the time, for myself and with my clients.

It is THE fastest way to cut to the heart of an issue and figure out what you want to do next. I call it:

Same goal, different path.

It’s a 2 step process—

Step 1: What do you really want? What’s your real goal in this situation?

Step 2: What’s a different, even better pathway to achieve that goal?

Let me show you 4 scenarios where you can use this problem-solving hack.

(There are lots more — these are just a few examples.)

Scenario 1: Breaking habits you don’t like

If you order takeout a bit too often…

Or have one drink too many while you’re out…

Or procrastinate, or bite your nails, or lash out at your spouse…

This is a great moment to apply Same Goal, Different Path thinking.

You don’t have those bad habits because you’re undisciplined or immoral or a fundamentally flawed person.

You have them because they fulfill a need for you.

What is that need?

To feel relaxed? To forget your worries? To vent your stress? To just let go?

Pinpoint what that real underlying need is and start brainstorming & experimenting with other ways to fulfill it.

This isn’t an overnight process. But if you give yourself 100 mini experiments to figure this out? You’ll definitely find a better way of fulfilling this need.

Scenario 2: When you’re comparing, despairing, and feeling inadequate

When you find out someone makes way more money than you…

Or you take a photo together and think they look so much better than you…

Or their social life looks so much cooler and more happening than yours…

That stab of envy and shame that you feel doesn’t need to be smothered.

Those feelings are pointing you toward what you really want.

What desire has been revealed to you?

What do you think would be different in your life, if you had those things?

How would you think and feel differently about yourself, if you had those things?

What’s your real underlying want here?

To feel secure and like you have enough?

To feel like you’re done striving, done reaching, and you’ve finally arrived?

To like yourself and feel like you can just be yourself in all situations?

Pinpoint that real underlying desire, that has just been (somewhat painfully) revealed to you through your jealousy.

And then see how you can go about fulfilling it.

Not by copycatting their life or trying to be someone else.

But by tapping into what you really want and going after it in a way that feels FUN and like YOU.

Scenario 3: When you’re gathering the courage to do something that’s “not normal”

I used this a lot when I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to have kids.

In my bones, I have zero desire to be anybody’s parent. The mere thought of it fills me with dread and exhaustion.

BUT I was very scared to say “I’m not going to have kids” because I was afraid that I wouldn’t have a family and I’d never know true love and I’d be alone forever.

Let’s apply: Same goal, different path.

What did I really want, that I thought having kids was the only pathway to getting?

What I really wanted was a cozy home and a sense of warmth, connection, and belonging.

How could I get that via a different pathway than being a parent?

So many ways! I could make a cozy home right now. I could spend more time with my family. I could invest more in my friendships and my community.

I could easily take the 20+ years it would take to raise a couple kids and spend that time creating coziness, warmth, connection, and belonging in other ways.

And I might actually prefer the family and community that arose from that effort to the one that would arise from being a parent.

Scenario 4: When you’re not getting the outcome that you want

Same Goal, Different Path can help you find the courage to NOT do something you DON’T want to do…

…AND it can help when you DO want something, and it’s just not happening.

I’ve used this tool a lot when thinking about dating and relationships.

I’d love to be in a long-term relationship! This is not a Should or societal pressure — relationships are great! I’d genuinely love to be in one.

But let me tell you, whether it’s my fault or everyone else’s fault or some blend of the two…it’s just not happening.

And, after spending lots of time getting frustrated about this and putting more and more pressure and urgency into dating…

I started to break down: What did I really want out of a relationship? And how could I get those things now?

Some of the things I realized I wanted out of a relationship:

Someone to joke around and do mundane things with
Someone to debrief and share my days with
A thought partner and teammate when I was facing challenges
A sense of being loved and wanted exactly as I am
To start building a home together and maybe get a cat
A sense of realness and legitimacy. Being in a relationship felt like a Thing. Being single felt like a transitional state where I was living on pause and waiting for my real life to begin.

The more I fleshed out this list, the more I realized: You don’t need a boyfriend for any of this stuff!!

You can get all this WITH a boyfriend — I’d still love to have one.

But you can get it all WITHOUT one too!

Between friends, family, and just living my own life as if it had already begun, I could check off everything on this list with no boyfriend in sight.

I don’t know how the circumstances of my life are going to unfold. Will I find someone I want to date? Will they want to date me too? Will we be together forever? I have no idea.

But what I realized is that I have the ability to ensure the emotional tenor of my life is exactly the same, regardless of the circumstances.

I can get everything I really want, with ANY configuration of circumstances.

So there’s no need to wait or pine or despair.

It’s just a matter of figuring out how to get what I want with the circumstance I have.

These are just 4 scenarios where you can use Same Goal, Different Path.

There are dozens more where it applies.

And my favorite thing about doing this is that it puts you into a loving, collaborative relationship with your own desires.

So often, we want something, and we reflexively tell ourselves: “Your wants are stupid!! Want something else!! Be practical. Be a grown up. Don’t be shallow. Don’t be petty. Get over it.”

But your wants aren’t stupid! Your wants are valid and wise and worth fulfilling.

And the most important thing you do with this tool is uncover what those wants really are.

To pause and ask the question: What IS my goal? What am I really solving for?

And then to partner with yourself and say: I got you! Let’s see how we can get that, in an even better way than you originally imagined.

This is about getting everything you want…

And more importantly, it’s about building a more loving, trusting, collaborative relationship with yourself.

It’s about being in your own corner, no matter what.

Get started doing this on your own, right now, today.

And if you want to put some structure, rigor, and rocket fuel behind your efforts…

And ensure that this way of relating to yourself is cemented in your brain for life…

Then come talk to me, and let’s get started.

Book a free coaching consult

What my clients have to say…

“Pooja always has suggestions and ideas, which is fantastic. But she doesn’t tell you, ‘You should go do this.’ And that’s a good thing because she teaches you how to make these decisions for yourself and feel confident about it.”

—Client | VP - Global Product, Visa

Less Stress, More Flow with Pooja V.

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