Never Asked Questions: The Model vs. Mindfulness & Meditation
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Here is a question that nobody has asked but that I’d like to answer.
“So you’re talking about breaking things down as Circumstance | Thought > Feeling > Action > Result, and looking at your own thoughts, and choosing new ones if you want to. How does that relate to mindfulness and meditation?”
Such a great question! 😄
Let me use an analogy and then blow up that analogy because it is, in fact, flawed.
First of all, what is meditation? Just for now, let’s define it as “sitting down for a set period of time, where you focus on your breathing and let thoughts drift past you without latching onto them.”
And what is the model? Just for now, let’s define it as “taking a specific situation, breaking it down into Circumstance / Thought / Feeling / Action / Result, and thinking about if we’d like to change anything on the T, F, A, or R lines.”
Now here’s my flawed analogy:
Meditation is like lifting weights. You go to the gym every week for a set period of time and you do your workout. As you do this consistently, you see generalized benefits in your life — more energy, more strength, better sleep, etc.
The model is like moving a heavy box out of the way. You notice that every day at 10 pm, you trip and fall flat on your face on your way to the bedroom. The model helps you realize — “Hey, the reason I’m tripping every day is because there’s this box sitting in the hallway to my bedroom.” And then you use your muscles to lift up that box and put it somewhere else, so you can stop falling down.
Now guys — this analogy is flawed.
The reality is that meditation and the model are both just tools. You can use meditation to solve specific problems. You can use the model to be more generally aware and measured in your reactions. All of this is up to YOU to decide how you want to use it.
But one of the things I like about the model is that it’s designed to be applied to specific situations. It’s a little less “just take a deep breath and calm down” and a little more “let’s diagnose the root cause and find the highest-leverage solution.”
But that’s just the way that I like to use it.
BOTH the model AND meditation are about being more mindful.
And what does that mean, to be more mindful?
It’s about being the watcher of your own thoughts and feelings, rather than just being IN them all the time.
It’s about seeing your own brain at work and not taking its assessments so seriously.
It’s about separating yourself from your knee-jerk reactions in order to create space between stimulus and response.
And of course, it’s about learning to be comfortable exactly where you are, in this exact present moment.
And I just want to tell you that meditation is not the only way to do this.
You can also do this by asking yourself, “What are the facts here, and what are my thoughts?”
Or “What assumptions is my brain making, and do I believe them?”
Or “What am I making this fact mean right now?”
You don’t have to sit there in silence and discomfort to be more aware of your own brain.
You can also take a talk-y, framework-y, “analyze and problem-solve” approach, if you want.
Because the reality is that we all showed up here with this flawed, wonky brain that’s doing its damn best but is also running software from, like, the Paleolithic Era (optimistically).
And there are a lot of ways to make your earthly time with your weird little brain a little less hard and a little more fun.
This is just one :)