Perfectionism and the $1000 Banana
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Perfectionism is like saying “I need to pay $1000 for this banana. If I don’t get to pay $1000 for this banana, I’m going to leave the store and not eat anything. $1000 or nothing.”
What happens when you pay $1000 for a banana?
First, obviously — this banana doesn’t cost $1000! Your $999 would be WAY better spent somewhere else.
Nevertheless, the clerk will take your $1000. He’s not complaining. He only needed $1 and he got $999 for free — good deal for him.
You leave the store genuinely believing that the banana cost $1000. You’re reinforcing a belief that things are expensive. You would have loved to buy a banana, a soda, and a bag of chips, but you don’t have $3000! You’ll have to settle for just this banana.
You’re also reinforcing an identity — ”I’m the kind of person who spends $1000 on everything, no matter what it is. I’m not like those slobs that spend $1 on bananas. I have standards.”
Obviously, this sounds insane. But now replace $1000 with “time and effort.”
You’re given a task to do. You say “I need to do this as well as I possibly can.” You probably don’t even say it consciously — you’ve believed this for so long that it’s just an obvious fact of life.
What happens when you do this task to an A++ level of quality?
First, nine times out of ten, the task in no way needed that much time or effort.
Nevertheless, whoever you were doing the task for (including yourself) isn’t going to complain about it being done so well. Thanks for the freebie!
After you’re done, you genuinely believe that your task required that much effort. Another proof point for your belief that things take time. You look at everything else on your to do list and you’re already exhausted. “Holy crap, I have to do 10 more of these? I don’t have time for all this.”
You’ve reinforced your identity. “I am a person who always does things well. I’m not like those slobs that do B- work. I have standards.”
There are ways to short-circuit this thinking, of course. Asking yourself “What’s the minimum I need to do to get this done?” Hunting for shortcuts and workarounds the way you would hunt for discounts and coupons. Thinking about how your hourly pay rate only decreases if you work more (if you’re salaried).
Many of us start letting go of perfectionism when we have too much on our plate to do it all perfectly. But here’s what’s just as dangerous as trying to be perfect — letting go of being perfect without shifting the underlying belief and identity.
If you’ve stopped paying $1000 for everything — but you still believe you SHOULD be, that this is just a temporary lapse, that you’ll “get back on track” soon and you’re just a mess right now haha!, then you’re probably in a fair amount of pain and you haven’t solved the real problem.
What are the beliefs and the identity of someone who spends the minimum amount of effort on everything and freaking LOVES it? Who not only congratulates herself for it but then says “I wonder if I can give even less next time. I gave them B- work — can I give them C+ work? I got this banana for $1. Next time — 50 cents?”
Doing C+ work — paying 50 cents for a banana — doesn’t make her feel like her standards are slipping or like she’s barely hanging on. Doing C+ work makes her feel like she’s running a tight ship and has everything completely under control.
What is she like? How does she think?
And how can you start being her?