Stop Believing Your Brain's Default Grading Scale
Let’s talk about the default grading scale your brain uses to assess you.
How many of you are on this scale?
If you don’t get something done, you feel very negative. You think things like:
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get my shit together? I’m so behind.
If you DO get that same thing done, you feel…neutral. You think things like:
Well, yeah. That’s what I’m supposed to do. This is just normal. Am I supposed to celebrate doing the basics?
Let’s just look at this scale for a second.
Uh…what?! This thing is so freaking unbalanced! Where does feeling good about myself fit in here??
I experienced this grading scale very viscerally when I was in college.
My sophomore year, I was a mess. I missed classes, turned in assignments late, and got terrible grades the whole year.
My junior year, I was determined to turn things around. I signed up for extra classes. I made a detailed daily schedule. I did all my readings and all my work. And I got all As the whole year!
How did I feel all of sophomore year? Terrible. All I wanted was to get my shit together and get my work done.
How did I feel junior year? Ecstatic? Proud? Happy forever since I’d gotten everything I wanted? Nope, I felt empty and flat.
At the time, I just didn’t understand why. Was there something wrong with me? Should I not even try? What was the point?
Looking back, I finally understand why this happened.
I had changed my actions, but I hadn’t changed my underlying thought habits. I had everything I wanted, but I hadn’t built the habit of feeling good or proud or happy about myself.
I thought if I just got all my work done, I would magically start feeling better.
But that’s like thinking that winning the lottery will make you start writing with your other hand.
I got my work done every day, but my habitual mental soundtrack was just as self-critical as it was before, only with a slightly different flavor.
Getting my work done was one habit I needed to build.
And feeling good about myself was a totally different habit that I also had to build.
We’ve already talked about one thing you can do to start building this habit.
Here’s another thing you can do: shift the grading scale.
If you don’t get something done, get curious.
Huh, that’s weird. I totally wanted to do that thing. What happened? Let me put my researcher hat on and dig in here…
If you DO get something done, be AS PROUD as you would have been upset.
How upset would I have been on the old grading scale if I didn’t get this done? That’s how proud and happy I’m going to be that I got it done now.
🔊 Same magnitude, opposite direction. 🔊
And guess what? If you’re super busy and running around with ten million things on your list — then you also have ten million opportunities to practice :)
PS: Are you feeling like, “I get this intellectually…but how do I actually believe it?” Come talk to me, and we will:
Uncover exactly what’s going on with you right now
Craft new beliefs that actually “click” and feel believable
Build a day-to-day plan to actually IMPLEMENT all this stuff
Get. This. Done.
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