The 1 Root Cause Problem Every Person Has

May 30, 2024

If I could boil down the #1 driver of all the unhappiness and all the problems that I’ve seen across hundreds of hours of coaching, the single root cause of everything would be these two words:

Not enough.

I don’t HAVE enough. I haven’t DONE enough. *I* am not enough.

From that root cause springs every single thing we work on.

Work stress. Imposter syndrome. Confusion about what you want to do next. Procrastination and avoidance of the next steps that will get you there.

And ultimately, the gap that opens up between the strategy vs. the execution of your life.

Everything comes from this single root cause.

And today I’m going to give you a simple way of attacking Not-Enough-Ness right at the source.

The reason most people are so convinced that their Not Enough story is true because they’re using an outcome-based definition of enough-ness.

Their definition is:

If I had X outcome, I would have enough, I would have done enough, and *I* would be enough.
I don’t have X outcome, so obviously, I’m not enough.

If I got the promotion.
If I had gotten more things done today.
If we’d hit our targets.
If I weighed a certain amount.
If I got more invitations to parties.
If I was in a relationship.
Etc. etc.

It’s very hard to convince yourself that you are enough when you’re using this definition of enough-ness.

So let me introduce you to two other ways to define Enough.

Process-based enough-ness

You can also define enough-ness based on your processes rather than your outcomes.

Outcomes are a single moment in time, right at the very end.

They are the MOST lagging indicator of how you’re doing.

Imagine if you were monitoring two people to figure out which one was going to be a successful marathon runner and which one wasn’t.

If the only metric you tracked every day was “Have they crossed the finish line of a marathon?” you’d have no clue which one was going to succeed.

They’d look like 2 failures right until the end, when one of them would suddenly become an “overnight success.”

But if you tracked their processes, you would know immediately who was going to succeed and who wasn’t.

Which one is running every week?
Which one is getting enough sleep?
Which one is managing their nutrition?

Processes are the LEADING indicator of how you’re doing.

And they’re a WAY better measure of your Enough-ness than outcomes.

You can be doing everything right.

You can have enough, and do enough, and BE enough.

And sometimes it just takes some time for the outcomes to catch up with you.

Person-based enough-ness

But sometimes people don’t have faith in their processes.

They worry: Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Should I be doing more?

And here’s where I want to introduce you to the concept of person-based enough-ness — aka you are enough exactly as you are.

Now I’m going to be honest — I have always hated this message in the past.

I’m a complete overachiever. I want to do things really, really well all the time.

So the concept of “you’re enough exactly as you are” always seemed like a lame copout — an excuse people gave themselves when their performance wasn’t up to par, and they just wanted to tell themselves, “Well, results don’t matter anyway, so let’s just ignore the fact that I’m getting all Fs.”

I love results. I love ambitious visions and high standards for success.

My life would be a lot sadder without big dreams to strive toward and get excited about.

So when I say “You’re good enough exactly as you are,” I’m NOT saying “Just love yourself and forget about results.”

I’m saying:

You already have what you need within you to achieve your ambitious goals. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts.

You can figure this out — and you’ll do it NOT by “doing what you’re supposed to do” or “following best practices” or “being practical”…

You’ll do it by charting a path that only YOU can see.

By discovering, piece by piece, YOUR way of doing things.

As you take each step forward, you’ll only be able to see as far as your flashlight can shine in the dark.

But when you look back, that’s when you’ll be able to see: THAT was the Me Way of doing things all along.

So even when you don’t know the process yet.

Or you’re following a process, but you’re not sure if it’ll work.

Or you’re watching yourself resist and procrastinate the things you’re supposed to be doing but don’t want to do.

Or you’re working like crazy, but the results aren’t coming.

These are not the moments to trust yourself less.

These are the moments to trust yourself MORE.

Because in your discontent and frustration and fear and resistance are the seeds to your success.

What are the messages your brain is sending you? What insight is being conveyed, through the pain?

What do YOU think is the right answer? (Not what “common sense” or “practicality” says is the right answer — what the quiet voice inside you says it is, when you listen and let it speak.)

What do you WANT to do next? (Not what are you supposed to be doing?)

How would Expert You handle this situation?

The person you are, with the way your brain fires, and the experiences you’ve had, and your drive and dedication, and the unique, 1-in-8-billion lens you bring to every situation — that you can’t even STOP yourself from being even if you tried.

That person is enough.

They are enough to get there.

They are enough to figure this out.

They are enough in the same way a seed is enough to become a tree.

Even when it hasn’t sprouted yet.

Even when sun is scarce.

Even when it’s planted upside down.

The seed isn’t enough only when it flowers.

The seed isn’t enough only when things are going right.

The seed has always been enough from Day 1 and cannot waver in its enough-ness, because it has always contained everything it needed to get there.

There are some lessons you only need to learn once. How to do algebra. The structure of an atom. How to submit your expenses.

And there are some lessons that slip like water from the fingers of your mind, and you need to keep learning them again and again.

This is one of those lessons.

It goes against the grain of your automatic mind.

It is persistently unintuitive and it only sticks with regular reminding and structural reinforcement.

Orchestras use blind auditions as a structural intervention against gender bias. They don’t expect evaluators to erase their bias on demand.

It’s simply not realistic — because even when you’re aware of your own biases, they are too quick and too subtle for you to control them perfectly.

So instead, orchestras expect the bias and plan for it — and thus, they eliminate its effect.

A coach is a structural intervention against the bias you have against yourself — your bias against your own ceaseless potential, your limitless goodness, and your unwavering enough-ness in every situation.

I don’t expect anyone (myself included!) to erase their Me Bias on demand.

It’s simply not realistic — because even when you’re aware of it, it’s too quick and too subtle for you to control it perfectly.

But you can expect it. You can plan for it.

And thus — I won’t say you can eliminate it — but you can massively reduce its impact on you and thus, get to work building the life you actually want, inside and out.

Come talk to me, and let me show you how.

Book a free coaching consult

What my clients have to say…

“Pooja always has suggestions and ideas, which is fantastic.

But she doesn’t tell you, ‘You should go do this.’

And that’s a good thing because she teaches you how to make these decisions for yourself and feel confident about it.”

—Client | VP - Global Product, Visa

Less Stress, More Flow with Pooja V.

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