The 2 Kinds of Discipline
Did you know there are 2 kinds of discipline?
I’m willing to bet you’re really good at one of them…
…and not so good at the other.
Discipline #1: Doing what you’re supposed to do.
You are given a goal to achieve.
You are given a series of steps to take to achieve it.
You buckle down and get it DONE.
Goal: Get into a good college.
Steps: Get great grades, get leadership positions in clubs, win some trophies for something.
You: Got it. I’m getting this done.
Goal: Get promoted.
Steps: Get a big project over the finish line. Influence other teams’ agendas. Mentor your team.
You: Got it. I’m getting this done.
When you’re really good at this kind of discipline…
And when you identify as someone who is really good at achieving the goals you’re supposed to achieve…
You can even apply it to your personal life. Something like…
Goal: Get married and have 2 kids by a certain age.
Steps: Go on lots of dates. Pick the best person you find. Get engaged. Throw a big wedding. Get pregnant at the right times.
You: Got it. I’m getting this done.
To be good at this kind of discipline, you have to build up skills like…
Staying committed to one goal over a long period of time. NOT questioning the goal.
Staying committed to that set of steps as the best way to achieve that goal. NOT questioning or experimenting with the steps.
Being consistent in doing the steps required. NOT stopping even when it’s painful or difficult
NOT quitting
Many of us are really good at this type of discipline.
But did you know there’s a completely different kind of discipline out there too?
Discipline #2: Create something that uniquely fits YOU.
This is the exact opposite of Discipline #1.
You have the discipline to NOT just pick up a goal that someone else gave you.
You have the discipline to decide for yourself what the goal is and WHY it’s important to achieve.
(Not just “because someone told you to” but why it’s important to YOU — why you would do it even if it wasn’t “required.”)
Then you have the discipline to experiment in order to figure out the right steps.
And by “right steps,” I mean: the steps that will get you to your goal AND feel good while you do them. (High bar.)
You don’t know ahead of time what those steps are.
But you have the discipline to NOT just plan and analyze forever…
…but to instead get in there and start doing, failing, and figuring it out.
And most importantly…
You have the discipline to STOP doing the things that don’t feel good.
And the discipline to get creative and KEEP asking: Okay, what else can I do, that might feel right to me AND moves me toward my goals?
Being good at this kind of discipline, requires a completely different set of skills:
Regularly questioning the goal and making sure it still aligns to what you truly want — and adjusting the goal if necessary
Regularly questioning and adjusting the steps to achieve that goal.
Being willing to fail and experiment. NOT being perfect. NOT being good at things.
NOT being consistent if consistency is painful or difficult
Quitting when it’s time to quit. NOT pushing through.
Chances are high that school and grad school and your first few jobs have made you really, really good at Discipline #1.
And even more than just being GOOD at Discipline #1…
Chances are high that school and grad school your first few jobs have taught you that Discipline #1 is the smart, right, morally upstanding way to be.
You should be committed.
You should be consistent.
You should do things well.
You shouldn’t make mistakes.
You shouldn’t change directions all the time.
You should do what you’re supposed to do.
After all, people wiser than you have devised this path, and you should just walk on it as well as you can.
And when you take on commitment and consistency and high-quality work as moral values and an identity that you’re attached to…
It’s really hard to create a life that uniquely fits YOU.
Because all the skills that are required to do that look like “sloppiness” or “lack of commitment” or “laziness” or “self-indulgence.”
But if you’re trying to create a life that uniquely fits YOU — a life that you actually want…
Making mistakes a skill.
Self-indulgence is a skill.
Listening to yourself and refusing to force yourself to do what you no longer want to do is a skill.
It requires real discipline to stay true to your own internal compass…
AND to be willing to make mistakes and adjustments and do experiments until you can figure out how to get everything you want with no tradeoffs.
If you’re really good at doing what you’re supposed to do…
…you’re probably finding it difficult to create the life you actually want.
And it’s not because you’re dumb or lazy or can’t figure it out.
It’s because it literally requires the OPPOSITE skillset of the one you’ve cultivated so far.
It requires asking: What DO I want? and sitting with uncertainty and ambiguity for long enough to actually figure it out.
(Not just asking: What am I supposed to do? and running off to execute the answer.)
It requires patiently teasing apart societal expectations from your own dreams and desires.
(Not just jumping up to fulfill whatever societal expectation is put in front of you.)
And it requires courage to experiment and fail and go against “the grain” you’re imagining everyone else is following.
(Not being consistent in executing a plan someone else gave you.)
So if you’re tired of doing what you’re supposed to do…
Or you’re just finding yourself at the end of the “supposed to” path and you’re looking around realizing you’ve still got a lot of life left, but you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do with it…
Come talk to me and let’s start building the discipline and skillset required to create the life you actually want.
You have no time to lose.
💻 Website | 📸 Instagram | 🎧 Podcast | 💌 Newsletter | 👋🏽 Free resources