The Flame and the Mirror 🔥🪞
A parable to help you find flow no matter what’s going on around you
There are five things I want to tell you—
Your worth and your goodness is a steady flame 🔥
Your worthiness and good-enough-ness is innate.
It’s already there.
It always has been.
It always will be.
Nothing can ever take it away from you.
And even if you’re not where you want to be yet…
You are already good enough in the same way that a seed is already good enough before it becomes a tree.
Like Vincent van Gogh said—
“If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now.
For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.”
Now, here’s the big trick of human existence.
You can’t see yourself 🙈
You can’t directly see the flame of your own worthiness.
You can’t see yourself because you ARE yourself.
Your position is “the person behind my eyeballs, looking out.”
And when you’re “the person behind my eyeballs, looking out,” you can’t also be “the person in front of my eyeballs, looking at myself.”
You can’t directly see the flame of your own worthiness in the same way that you can’t directly see your own face.
You might catch a glimpse of your own nose, occasionally.
But fundamentally, you can’t see your face.
Because you ARE your face.
The world is full of mirrors 🪞
Now of course, you CAN see your own face — in a mirror.
In the same way, you can see the steady, unchanging flame of your worth — when certain situations or people reflect it back to you.
These are things like…
The meeting that goes really well.
The project you really crush.
The mentor that invests in you.
The promotion you get with flying colors.
The friend you just 100% vibe with.
The date who says “hell yes” to meeting up again.
All of these are shiny mirrors, reflecting back the worth that was already inside you.
The world is also full of walls 🧱
Standing in front of a mirror and getting to see and recognize and bask in the glow of your own worthiness is awesome.
But, realistically, you’re probably not going to be standing in front of a mirror 100% of the time.
You’re also going to spend some time standing in front of walls.
These are things like…
The meeting that goes badly.
The project you struggle with.
The boss that doesn’t seem that impressed with you.
The promotion that gets delayed.
The friend you’re kind of awkward with.
The date who says they’re “not feeling a romantic spark here.”
All of these are walls.
These are people and situations that DON’T reflect back the worth that is already inside you.
Whether you’re standing in front of a mirror or a wall, the steady flame of your worth still exists 🔥
This is the ultimate cognitive illusion that we all struggle with.
Because you can’t directly see the flame of your own worthiness…
When you find yourself in front of a wall…
Your brain is very, very prone to make that MEAN “I’m not good enough. My worth has disappeared.”
The meeting goes badly? “Ugh, I’m so bad at this job.”
The promotion that gets delayed? “Ugh, I’m not as smart and savvy as my peers.”
The date that doesn’t want to see you again? “No one is ever going to love me.”
But when you understand the flame and the mirror…
You realize that saying, “I’m not worthy unless people like me and things are going well.”
Is like saying, “I don’t have a face unless I’m currently in front of a mirror.”
The steady flame of your worth exists, and never stops existing, regardless of whether the situation in front of you reflects it back to you or not.
In the same way that your face exists, and never stops existing, regardless of whether a mirror is currently reflecting it back to you or not.
There are two things I want you to do with this knowledge.
1 – Fill your world with shiny, shiny mirrors.
Don’t make this hard on yourself.
Set yourself up to succeed.
Do the work that plays to your strengths.
Volunteer for the projects that you know you can crush.
Spend time with the people who get you and see how great you are.
Date the person who’s a “hell yes.”
And navigate away from the people and situations that are not just walls but black holes for the light that pours out of you.
2 – Learn the skill of connecting to the flame inside you even when you’re not in front of a mirror.
Learn the skill of remembering and believing in the steady flame of your own worthiness…
Even when nothing around you is reflecting it back to you right now.
I didn’t say “earn” your worth, or “obtain” your worth, or “prove” your worth.
I said REMEMBER your worth.
CONNECT to the thing that already exists — that your brain just momentarily forgot about.
And when you can connect back to your own inherent worth, regardless of what’s going on around you…
You can get your brain out of fight-or-flight and get it back into flow.
This is, fundamentally, the work I do with my clients.
It’s not about fixing what’s broken, or improving what’s below baseline.
It’s about remembering what’s whole, and reconnecting to what is already incredible.
And letting that wholeness and that goodness lead the way forward.
Which, tactically speaking, means…
We design your career strategy so that you’re surrounded by mirrors as often as humanly possible.
We navigate the transition from where you are now to where you want to be, so you can get yourself over to mirror-land as quickly as possible.
And we build the mental toolkit to help you not lose your nerve or go into fight-or-flight even when you’re in front of a wall.
Come get a sample of this work today.
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
It’s not a sales pitch.
It’s just an opportunity for us to discuss whatever’s on your mind…
And I’ll offer some one-off coaching and brainstorming about your situation.
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
So you can build a life full of mirrors…
AND build the skill of remembering your own worth no matter what’s going on around you.
And carry that with you for the rest of your life.
What my clients have to say…
“I love when Pooja drops wisdom.
It’s always, like, a five word sentence that I’ll write down in my journal and refer back to.
It’s like sometimes you’ll read a whole book just to get that one sentence.
And it’s kind of like having this encyclopedic friend who’s just like, ‘You said all this stuff. Don't read that book. Let me just tell you the five words.’
And it’s really incredible."
—Client | Startup Founder & Co-CEO
I help high-stress high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you (or inside you)
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
Today’s article focused on #1.
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
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