The one master variable driving your life
Where do you get your security from?
I talk to my clients about dozens of topics every week.
We talk about stressors at work and in life — overwhelming to-do lists, challenging colleagues, tough family relationships, and the tricky balance between your work ambitions and your outside-of-work ambitions.
We talk about their next career step — how to get clear on it, how to feel confident that they can do it, how to figure out what their purpose in life is and what they’re really solving for.
We talk about landing that next step and making it a success — communicating their career vision compellingly to others, networking, sourcing opportunities, interview prep, or even launching their own venture.
Across all those dozens of topics and the endless nuance of every person’s problem and situation…
I’ve noticed one master variable at play behind the scenes.
A variable that is so embedded and so unconscious that most people don’t even realize it’s at play.
And yet, it’s running everything.
Here is that master variable—
Where do you get your security from?
Do you have an external locus of security, or an internal locus of security?
You’ve probably heard the terms “internal locus of control” and “external locus of control.”
It’s a psychological concept that describes two different orientations toward life.
People with an internal locus of control believe that they control their own life, and that they are the driving force behind their life outcomes.
People with an external locus of control believe that outside forces control their life, and that luck, fate, or other people are the driving force behind their life outcomes.
This is a similar concept, except instead of control, we’re talking about security.
When your brain assumes you have an external locus of security…
You believe that your external circumstances have to look a certain way in order for you to feel safe, secure, and good enough.
This could look like…
I need to get everything done on my to-do list — then I’ll feel like I’m on top of things.
I need my boss to be impressed with my work — then I’ll feel like I’m doing a good job.
My LinkedIn announcement about my next job needs to look like a step up from what I’m doing today — then I’ll feel like I’m on the right track and keeping pace with my peers.
I need to be perfectly clear on what I want to do next before I reach out to people in my network — otherwise I’ll feel like I’m wasting their time and coming across like a confused, directionless mess of a person.
When your brain assumes you have an internal locus of security…
You feel safe, secure, and good enough within yourself regardless of your external circumstances.
This could look like…
I know I’m good at quantitative analysis. Oh, interesting, the numbers in the model aren’t adding up? Hmm, maybe the problem is over here, let’s check that first…
I know I’m a good writer. I’m completely stuck on how to convey this idea? Let’s just hang out and wait a bit… I know my brain will come up with something.
I know I’m doing a good job at work. It’s not getting recognized? Let’s figure out what I’m missing or where things are getting lost in translation.
I know the essence of what I’m looking for in my next job and why it makes perfect sense for me. The person I’m networking with is looking confused and skeptical? No worries. I just need to figure out what confused them and explain it again.
When you have an external locus of security…
Everything feels tense, stressful, and high-stakes.
You’re likely to get kicked into fight-or-flight, which will lead to worse performance at whatever you’re trying to do, which will only stress you out even more and create a vicious cycle.
And even if you succeed in the short term in securing the circumstances you wanted…
Your security is always conditional on keeping those external circumstances.
So you have to stay vigilant for possible threats and re-win your safety, security, acceptance, love, belonging, and good-enough-ness every day, again and again.
When you have an internal locus of security…
Everything feels playful, fun, and intriguing.
You’re likely to NOT get kicked into fight-or-flight and instead stay in your flow — in the zone of your best performance.
And even if you don’t succeed, or if you run into problems…
Because those problems don’t represent an existential threat to your safety, security, and identity…
You can meet those problems in a calm, clear-headed way and figure out the best way to handle them.
Look at whatever problem you’re stuck on and stressed out about right now.
How is your locus of security coming into play?
If you’ve been stuck and stressed…
I’ll bet you anything that your brain is assuming an external locus of security, not an internal one, in this situation.
Which is kicking you into fight or flight.
And keeping you stuck.
Luckily, the way you think about your locus of security is not fixed — just like the way you think about your locus of control isn’t fixed.
So come talk to me and let’s shift the way your brain is looking at this situation.
So you can get out of fight or flight and back into flow.
There are two ways you can work with me ✌🏽
One: Drop by for a coffee chat! ☕️
No strings attached. Let’s just have a chat about your situation, and I’ll try to be as helpful as I can be.
Two: Let’s map out what a coaching engagement might look like 🗺️
You tell me what problems you’re trying to solve, or what goals you’re trying to achieve right now.
I’ll tell you how I’d suggest we tackle your goals together and answer all your questions about my coaching approach.
I’ll walk you through my six-point checklist that helps you decide whether or not working with me is the right fit for you. (I’m just as excited about a Confident No as I am about a Confident Yes :)
What my clients have to say…
“What I liked about Pooja’s approach was that she tackled everything at the same time, and she provided practical goals, which were really instrumental in changing my thinking.
I had always been a very intellectual person struggling with the practical stuff. And what I liked about her approach was that she gave me practical goals on a weekly basis.”
—Client | Communications Consultant turned Lawyer
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