The Two Kinds of Motivation
One will burn you out. The other will keep you in flow.
I spend most of my time helping high achievers get their brains out of fight-or-flight and back into flow.
And the hardest part about doing this is that your brain often clings to fight-or-flight, even though it’s painful…
Because it’s afraid that if you’re less stressed, less anxious, less self-critical, less vigilant…
You might feel better…but your performance will be worse.
And every high achiever I know, myself included, would choose Feels Bad + Good Results over Feels Good + Bad Results, any day of the week.
But what if I told you that the choice is actually between Feels Bad + Good Results and Feels Good + Great Results?
Which combination you experience comes down to which type of motivation is driving you.
Type 1: Negative Identity
Aka: “I’m NOT who I want to be — and I’m running away from that as fast as I can.”
Type 2: Positive Identity
Aka: “I AM who I want to be — and I’m simply expressing that in this situation.”
Imagine a former Olympic athlete who has gotten out of shape.
They could say to themselves…
“Ugh, I’m such a fat slob. I need to get my shit together.”
That would be Type 1 Motivation, Negative Identity.
Aka: Saying to yourself: “I’m NOT who I want to be — and I’m running away from that as fast as I can.”
What’s likely to happen next?
First off, they’re not going to feel great.
They’ll probably feel stressed or ashamed or anxious or depressed.
From that feeling, they’ll probably make an all-or-nothing plan.
They could go on the “nothing” side of all-or-nothing and say, “I’m too far gone. There’s no point in even trying.”
Or they could go on the “all” side of all-or-nothing and say, “I’m going to overhaul everything TODAY. No more takeout. No more carbs. Intermittent fasting. One meal a day. 2 hour workouts. Go go go!”
And that plan will deliver “meh” results.
The “nothing” plan obviously delivers no results.
And the “all” plan only delivers short-term results.
Because inevitably, the overly aggressive “all” plan is not sustainable for the amount of time it takes to both get into shape and STAY in shape, which is…
The rest of your life.
Now, that same person could also say to themselves…
“I’m an Olympic athlete. I know exactly how to handle this situation.”
That would be Type 2 Motivation, Positive Identity.
Aka: Saying to yourself: “I AM who I want to be — and I’m simply expressing that in this situation.”
What’s likely to happen next?
First off, they’ll probably feel good.
Not happy or ecstatic or joyful.
But calm, committed, focused, purposeful — and maybe even a little excited for the challenge in front of them.
From that feeling, they will make an excellent plan.
No all-or-nothing nonsense here.
They’ll take an objective look at where they are now.
They’ll bring the best of the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to bear.
They’ll make a realistic, step-by-step plan for making progress.
They’ll adjust as they go, as obstacles come up and as they get stronger and capable of taking on more.
And that plan will deliver great results.
There’s no giving up before they even begin.
There’s no burning out after two weeks because the plan was too aggressive.
There’s just steady progress day by day, which not only gets them to their destination and actually keeps them there.
Too many high achievers see the aggressive “do it all” plan coming out of a Negative Identity as “high performance.”
When you think that you’re not who you want to be…
The only two options your brain can imagine are “all” or “nothing.”
So when I suggest: “Hey, do you think that ‘do it all’ plan is maybe not that sustainable in the long term?”
Your brain snaps back: “So you want me to do NOTHING? And give myself a FREE PASS? And congratulate myself for being TERRIBLE?”
No. Of course I don’t :)
I just want you to do a 5 second check to see if there’s a better way.
Here’s all you have to do.
Ask your brain: How would the person I want to be handle this situation?
And give your brain 5 full seconds to contemplate that question and come up with an answer.
If your brain is screaming, “Don’t make a fool of yourself in this meeting!!!”
[Negative Identity]
Ask your brain: How would a smart, capable person handle this meeting?
[Positive Identity]
If your brain is grumbling, “You’re so behind, you’re such a mess.”
[Negative Identity]
Ask your brain: How would someone who’s on top of things handle my schedule?
[Positive Identity]
If your brain is worrying, “I don’t know if I’m qualified enough to do what I’m being asked to do…”
Ask your brain: How would a great leader handle doing something new?
[Positive Identity]
Give your brain 5 seconds to come up with an answer.
And if you don’t like your brain’s answer, you can keep doing whatever you were doing.
I just want you to check :)
Your Fear Brain is a dull axe.
Your Flow Brain is a sharp one.
And the reason I am so passionate about getting high achievers out of fight-or-flight and back into flow…
Is because I don’t want you to spend ten times as much time and fifty times as much energy hacking your way toward your goals with a dull axe…
When you could invest a little bit of time upfront…
Swap out your dull axe for a sharp one…
Get to where you want to be in a fraction of the time…
And have a hell of a lot more fun along the way :)
Switching over from your Fear Brain to your Flow Brain is a skill you can learn, practice, and master.
Today’s article is just one technique that can help you make the switch.
If you want to learn even more techniques for making the switch…
And get my custom help for your specific situation…
Come talk to me :)
You can drop by anytime for a no-strings-attached coffee chat ☕️
It’s not a sales pitch.
It’s just an opportunity for us to discuss whatever’s on your mind…
And I’ll give you some one-off coaching about your situation.
Or you can book a consult call, and we can map out a full coaching engagement.
I can’t lock this new skill into your brain in one conversation.
But I can over the course of a coaching engagement :)
So let’s start today.
What my clients have to say…
“Trust the process and within a few sessions, you'll see results.
This is not something where you have to wait six months or a year before you expect to start feeling better.
It happens pretty quickly.”
—Client | Head of Business Development at MedTech Company
I help high achievers build their careers around flow.
This requires…
Internally, learning how to access your flow no matter what’s going on around you
Externally, designing a career strategy that angles your flow at a high-priority problem that someone will pay you good money to solve
Tactically, navigating the transition from the role you’re in to the role you want
Today’s article focused on #1.
For more writing on all 3 of these, check out my table of contents.
You can also support this publication (and make my day!) by subscribing and sharing it with anyone you think would find it helpful. Thank you for being here :)
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