Where your inner critic comes from and what to do about it (part 3)
In Part 2 of this series, I told you…
Inner criticism is not a sign that anything is wrong with you.
Inner criticism is just a sign that you’re using someone else’s compass instead of your own 🧭
I used a bunch of very fun Norman Rockwell paintings to explain to you what I meant by “using someone else’s compass,” so you should totally go check out that article if you haven’t already :)
And at the end of the article, I also gave you a suggestion for what to do when your inner critic starts nagging you.
I told you…
Every time your brain starts criticizing you about something…
I want you to turn around and ask it: Brain, whose compass are you using right now?
And just see what your brain says.
Because often, that question alone is enough to shake your brain up and jumpstart it into using your own compass instead of somebody else’s.
Asking this question to your brain every single time it lobs another inner criticism at you…
And then deliberately switching back over to your own compass…
Is a simple, easy, drop-dead doable practice that you can do in literal seconds every day.
And if you do it consistently, it will put your inner critic to bed, for life.
Now here’s the #1 blocker I see people run into when they try to switch back over to their own compass—
People get afraid that using their own compass is dangerous.
They worry…
“What if my compass is wrong and the other people’s compasses are right?”
“What if using my own compass will make other people angry, or make them not like me?”
“What if using my own compass makes me lonely? What if it disconnects me from the people I want to be close with and kicks me out of the groups I want to belong in?”
If these are the blockers your brain is giving you to stop you from switching back to your own compass…
It’s time for you to get some coaching.
Here’s what we’ll do when we work together.
It’s exactly like The Wizard of Oz :)
Do you remember what each character in the Wizard of Oz needed most?
The Scarecrow needed a brain 🧠
The Tin Man needed a heart 💓
And the Lion needed courage 💪🏽
Those are the exact three things you need in order to tap into and trust your own inner compass 🧭
And those are the exact three things we’ll build up when we work together.
We’ll generate the thoughts you need to switch back to your own compass – that’s the brain part 🧠
We’ll look at those Other People’s Compasses that are in your brain, calmly and objectively, and we’ll question them.
Whose compass is this?
Where did it come from? Which authority figure or societal ideal gave this compass to you?
What was their agenda?
What were the assumptions they were making, when they told you what’s wrong and what’s right?
Are there any nuggets of gold in their perspective, that you want to incorporate into your own compass?
Where do you disagree with them? What are the parts of their compass you want to throw away?
Step by step, we’ll help your brain see that those Other People’s Compasses in your brain are not the ultimate, authoritative voice of god booming down from on high…
It’s not the Wizard of Oz — big, scary, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful…
We’ll help your brain see that those Other People’s Compasses are just…opinions, coming from normal, fallible, error-prone human beings just like you, who were trying their best but certainly don’t know everything.
It’s just a fallible little man behind a curtain :)
Questioning the sources and assumptions in Other People’s Compasses—
That’s the part of your brain that we’ll build up in coaching, to help you tap into and trust your inner compass 🧠
We’ll generate the emotions you need to switch back to your own compass – that’s the heart part 💓
We’ll look back at times in your life when you’ve said no to authority.
When you got feedback from a colleague, but you just smiled politely while internally rolling your eyes because you knew they were totally wrong.
When you saw a beauty standard in an advertisement, and you chuckled and said, “That’s ridiculous.”
When you were on the receiving end of a rant from a relative telling you how you should live your life, and you just laughed and shook your head and were like, “Okay, boomer. Calm down.”
This happened to me recently when I saw an ad for a workout routine to cure “hip dips.”
I didn’t even know what hip dips were until I saw the ad — it’s apparently when your hips are shaped a certain way. (You can google pictures online if you’re curious.)
It turns out that I have hip dips. I didn’t even realize until I saw the ad. And this ad was so busy trying to sell me a “cure” for my hip dips…
And I was just like, “What? I don’t even think this is a problem. I’ve never been insecure about this, and I’m not about to start now. So no thanks to this ridiculous workout.”
The reality is, you already know exactly how to say no to someone else’s compass.
You’ve done it multiple times before. You know exactly what it feels like.
And when we look back on these examples, we’ll identify and bookmark the emotions that let you say no to authority…
…Calmly, smilingly, with a good sense of humor and with your integrity intact…
…So that you can access them again, on-demand, when you need to.
Identifying and bookmarking the emotions you need in order to say no to authority without feeling insecure—
That’s the part of your heart that we’ll build up in coaching, to help you tap into and trust your inner compass 💓
We’ll take the actions you need to switch back to your own compass – that’s the courage part 💪🏽
As you go about your day, you are constantly facing forks in the road: Are you going to follow your own compass, or someone else’s?
I know it can feel scary to choose to follow your own compass.
Even after you’ve built up your brain. Even after you’ve built up your heart.
So we’re also going to build up your courage by doing small, safe experiments.
What are the low-stakes moments where you can just try following your own compass and seeing what happens?
You don’t have to follow your compass in the most important meeting with all your bosses.
You can do it in the chill, one-on-one check-in with a trusted colleague.
You don’t have to follow your compass in your most critical project that your whole career is riding on.
You can do it in your little side project that no one is looking at.
And the more you do these small, low-stakes experiments…
The more your brain will realize that following your own compass is safe.
We can talk to and argue with and try to convince your brain all we want…
The reality is that there’s nothing your brain finds more convincing than real-life lived experience.
Making a plan for you to do small experiments and SHOW (not tell) your brain that your own compass is pretty freaking good at things—
That’s the part of your courage that we’ll build up in coaching, to help you tap into and trust your inner compass 💪🏽
So that’s what we’ll do when we work together.
Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion 🎃🤖🦁
Brain, Heart, and Courage 🧠💓💪🏽
Those are the only three things you need in order to tap into and trust your own inner compass consistently…
Those are the three things we’ll build up in coaching.
And, by the way, we’ll completely eliminate your inner critic and self-doubt in the process :)
So come talk to me today, and let’s get started.
What my clients have to say…
“I have more confidence. I advocate for myself a lot more at work. I second guess myself a lot less.
I have healthier relationships with my family, because we talked about how to advocate for boundaries, and how to have a healthy spin on some of the complicated family dynamics that naturally arise.
My husband started noticing the progress I was making and commenting on how different my behavior was and how different my mental state and level of wellness was.
And that was super. That was the validation for me that this was absolutely worth it, if even he can see that his partner is doing better.”
—Client | Head of Business Development at MedTech Company
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⬅️ Part 2
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