Why Are You So Tired?
There are some kinds of tired that feel good and satisfying.
There’s physical tiredness — going on a tough hike and then dropping into bed, falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.
There’s mental tiredness — working on a tough problem all day and then switching off at night, ready to relax with some brainless TV.
And then there’s emotional tiredness.
Emotional tiredness wears you down. You feel like you can’t get a break — like you can never recharge. You try to rest, but your mind never stops racing.
Emotional tiredness doesn’t come from hard work or focused problem-solving.
Emotional tiredness comes from the way that you talk to yourself all day long.
My favorite project from my consulting days also had the longest hours. I had a daily check-in with our India team at 9 pm. We were often in the office till 1 or 2 in the morning. And I loved it.
Why? Because my mental soundtrack sounded like this: “This work is so cool. I’m so good at my job. I’m having so much fun. I can’t wait to work on the next problem. I am a rockstar.”
And the emotions that accompanied that soundtrack were: Fun. Engagement. Empowerment. Camaraderie. Flow.
I was very physically tired. But I was rarely emotionally tired.
One of my least favorite times in my career was when a research project wrapped up early, and I had two months of free time on my hands. I had almost nothing to do. I could start a project if I wanted, but it was totally up to me. And I constantly felt drained and alone.
Why? Because my mental soundtrack sounded like this: “What am I doing here? Why can’t I get something started? Why am I so lazy? Why is everything I do so bad? What’s wrong with me?”
And the emotions that accompanied that soundtrack were: Anxiety. Tension. Fear. Shame. Anger.
Emotional tiredness has nothing to do with the number of hours you’re working or what you’re doing all day.
It has everything to do with what you’re THINKING and how you’re FEELING all day long.
The chillest job in the world can be exhausting if you wear yourself down with your own self-talk.
And emotional tiredness cannot be cured with rest. Emotional tiredness blocks rest.
Because you go to lay down at night, or take a walk, or play a game on your phone, and in that quiet space, the soundtrack only gets louder.
So here’s what I want you to do, if emotional tiredness is your problem.
1: Take a few days and write down the soundtrack and the emotions. What are you saying to yourself all day? How is it making you feel? No judgment — just gather the data.
2: Ask your brain: Why do you think it’s helpful to talk to ourselves this way? Your brain has logic for why it does this, even if it’s incorrect. Does it think this soundtrack keeps you humble, or stops you from being lazy? That something bad will happen if you talk nicely to yourself? Gather your brain’s logic.
3: Bring your answers to me. If you know what you’re saying to yourself all day and why your brain thinks it’s a good idea, you already have an amazing start. You can (and should!) start to change the soundtrack on your own.
And if you want to turbo-charge that work, condense months of work into weeks, and have the results stick for life, come talk to me.
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