Why you get what you want...and feel MORE scared afterward
Last year, I grew my coaching business from $0 to six figures.
This year, I set a goal to double my revenue from last year.
How do you think I was feeling in January of this year, as I looked back on a year of inarguable success and looked forward to a plan of doing even better?
Here’s how I thought I would be feeling:
When I first started my business, becoming a six-figure coach seemed like the promised land.
Surely, by the time you had that much revenue and that many clients, you were calm and confident and effortlessly on top of things.
Surely, once you got there, all your problems would be solved and life would be on easy mode.
Here’s what actually happened:
I hit six figures much faster than I thought I would…
And I felt MORE scared after hitting the milestone than before.
Because before I hit the milestone, I had nothing to lose.
I was in “I’m trying” mode, which is full of its own scrapes and challenges and frustrations, but your expectations are lower because you’re still trying!
As soon as I hit the milestone — suddenly, I had something to lose.
The promised land was not as I thought it would be.
It wasn’t all ease and confidence and effortless success forever.
I had more fears than ever. What if I didn’t meet my new goal? What if revenue actually dipped? What if I messed this up?
I was still just me…except now the stakes were higher.
I am not unique. Everyone goes through this.
When you hit a big milestone that you’ve been working very hard to achieve, whether that’s…
Getting a promotion
Getting into a relationship
Launching a product
Hitting a fitness goal
Closing a round of funding
Getting into an academic program
Getting glowing positive feedback
It is very, very common to go from “I’m working so hard and all my problems will be solved as soon as I get this thing!!”…
STRAIGHT to “Oh crap, now that I got it, I’m definitely going to lose it.”
Nothing is going wrong when this happens.
You are NOT crazy, or insecure, or self-sabotaging, or pessimistic, or any other negative adjective.
Here’s what’s really happening—
Your brain is making two very common assumptions about this milestone.
And you need to surface them and change them.
Assumption 1: This was an unrepeatable fluke.
Surface the assumption
Where are you thinking that “this just happened to you” by chance?
That your milestone was achieved because of outside forces? Luck, good circumstances, “the stars aligning,” and other people giving you a chance?
Where are you attributing your success to factors outside of your control?
Change the assumption
Rewrite the story. How did YOU create this result?
What did YOU do, that was 100% in your control? How did your actions (and your thoughts, and your feelings) directly create this outcome?
Yes, there were outside forces. What role did you play in turning them to your advantage?
Other people could have faced those same forces and not created the same result. What did YOU do, that made gold out of those circumstances?
Make your playbook clear, explicit, and inarguable. Inputs ➡️ outputs. No ambiguity.
Assumption 2: I’m supposed to make linear upward progress from here.
Surface the assumption
What do you think future progress is supposed to look like, now that you’ve gotten here?
What are your expectations about what’s supposed to happen next?
For most people, their answer is: a straight-line march up and to the right.
No dips or breaks. No bumps or setbacks.
Just linear, unending progress — and any bump in the road is a sign that “you’ve lost it” and were a fraud all along.
Change the assumption
The reality is that progress is not linear.
It is jagged and cyclical — ups and downs that average out into a smooth line from afar, but feel very topsy-turvy when you actually live through them day by day.
What if you expect your progress to have upswings, followed by downswings, followed by upswings again?
With that template in mind, what is your expectation for what’s supposed to happen next? What will those expected downswings be?
And how can you see each downswing not as a problem, but as the exact source of fuel that will power your next upswing?
So the next time you achieve a big success…
And your brain immediately freaks out and is convinced that you’re going to lose it all…
Come back to this—
YOU created this – and you can create it again anytime you want. You have the playbook.
Progress is supposed to be jagged and cyclical.
You just had an upswing.
You will have downswings after this.
And each downswing will contain the seeds of your next upswing.
Rewiring these two assumptions is what allows you to actually ENJOY your success, rather than being trapped by it.
I already know you have the capability to hit every milestone you set and do it again and again, as many times as you want.
The LAST thing you have is a capability, drive, or work ethic problem. You are totally set on all those fronts.
What I want for you is that you enjoy the fruits of your labor.
That each new achievement actually brings you the pride, ease, joy, and confidence that you were hoping it would.
And what I’ve found is that achieving your milestones and enjoying your milestones are two different skills.
The skill of striving is different from the skill of having.
Step 1 is achieving the result. You’ve got that covered.
Step 2 is acclimating to having that result, and finding safety (not even more danger) in this new status quo. And chances are, this is just a skill you have less practice with.
I want you to take the emotional experience of your life as seriously as you take the tangible achievements.
Because you deserve to have a life full of satisfaction and accomplishment and overflowing, rock-solid sufficiency — and for that to be the emotional experience happening inside of you, not just the external appearance when other people look at you.
This is a skill you can build, the same way you’ve built so many others.
I’ve given you a blueprint right here to get started.
And I know better than anyone that this isn’t a one-shot transmission — answer the questions once and you’re done forever.
This progress, too, is jagged and cyclical — as with all things.
It has to be reinforced in little steps over days and weeks.
You have to do it again with every new milestone, on a deeper level each time.
And the results are so worth it.
Because you learn how to actually enjoy the life you’ve been working so hard to build.
Come talk to me, and let me help you build this skill in the fastest, most direct, most efficient way possible.
Because our time here is short — and I don’t want you to miss even a moment of joy.
📸 Instagram | 💌 Newsletter | 👋🏽 New? Start here