You Don't Need Advice. You Need To Clear Your Emotional Cobwebs.
The first thing many people do when they meet me is describe the problem they’re currently facing and then ask me is: What should I do?
And here’s what I always tell them:
You are already a Grade-A Excellent Problem-Solver.
You are really, really good at breaking down and solving problems every day, all day long. It is exactly what has gotten you so far already.
So the real question here isn’t, “What should you do?”
It’s, “What are you thinking and feeling that is preventing you from solving this problem as easily and effectively as you solve everything else?”
What emotional cobwebs are clouding your brain? And how can we clear them up?
Here are three of the most common emotional cobwebs that I hear.
1: I've already screwed this up.
“I should have done this earlier.”
“I should already know the answer.”
“I shouldn’t even be in this situation.”
These thoughts are some of THE worst fuel for effective problem-solving.
Let me prove it to you:
How do you feel, when you think those things?
When you feel that way, do you feel like doing the things you need to do to solve the problem? Or do you feel like running away and avoiding the problem for one more day?
Before you do anything else, you need to clear away this emotional cobweb so you can see the problem with fresh eyes and start taking action to solve it.
Should have done it earlier? How is now the perfect time to do this? How are you exactly on track?
Should already know the answer? How does your thoughtfulness actually set you apart and ensure you’ll come to the best answer?
Shouldn’t even be here? How are the decisions that led you here good decisions all the way, representing the best of your knowledge and capabilities each time? And how is the situation you’re facing now interesting, noble, and only making you stronger? How can you love the mess?
2: I have to give something up.
“I want to quit, but I have financial obligations.”
“I want to do ___, but it doesn’t have as much impact.”
“I want to be a ___, but I don’t want to move.”
Your brain loves to frame things in terms of tradeoffs.
It’ll tell you: “If you want X, you’ll have to give up Y,” as if that’s just an inarguable fact.
Is it though? Is it a well-reasoned analysis or just a snap judgment from your automatic brain?
Before you go around believing everything you think: pause, treat your brain like a google search, and ask yourself: How can I have both?
How can you quit AND meet your financial obligations?
How can you do ___ and MAKE it impactful?
How can you be a ___ in the city you’re currently in?
For years, I told myself “I want to be a writer, but I also need to make money” and then just didn’t think about it any further.
I just believed my brain’s incredibly half-baked analysis that “writers don’t make steady money” without ever questioning it.
When I finally sat down and deliberately thought about it, I realized there were so many ways I could get everything I wanted. AND that I had way more time and flexibility to experiment than I had ever appreciated.
Don’t take your automatic brain at face value. It’s speaking from fear and random anecdotes, not reason and data.
You have a lot more options than you think.
3: Every option has problems.
“My current job is boring. But chasing my passion is scary and unknown.”
“If I speak up, they’ll think I’m mean. But staying silent is driving me crazy.”
“If I leave, I’ll have to prove myself all over again. But if I stay, I have to keep doing work I don’t want to do.”
Let me tell you god’s honest truth: There is no option without problems.
And that’s because problems come from your brain, not from your situation.
Your situation is neutral. Problems are your brain’s assessment of the situation.
And if your brain is coming with you, then you will keep finding problems, because your brain is a problem-finding machine.
And that’s not a bad thing!
When your brain flags something as a problem, it’s really just providing you with a clearly-mapped path to success. “Want to get to your destination? Just solve A, B, and C, and you’ll be there!”
The question isn’t, “Which option has no problems?”
It’s, “Which set of problems do I want to commit to solving?”
Write them all out as clearly as you can. And then pick one set and get to work.
Whatever it is you’re trying to figure out right now…
You are exactly where you need to be.
You can get everything you want.
You are more than capable of figuring it out.
And this is not a ✨magical set of affirmations✨, by the way.
This is the way you already approach 99% of the problems you encounter.
What problems do you solve easily and effectively, without breaking a sweat?
What problems do you have FUN solving?
What are you thinking and feeling in those situations?
Now just copy-paste that perspective over here and get started.
And if you’re having trouble making it stick…
Come talk to me.
We’ll get it solved, done, and dusted faster than you ever thought possible.
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