You Know What? Be A Perfectionist.
What we call “perfectionism” always starts with a gap.
A gap between what you see in front of you and what you IMAGINE could be.
You see a clunky presentation. You IMAGINE a clear, concise, compelling presentation.
You see a messy kitchen. You IMAGINE clean surfaces and everything neatly put away.
You see an inefficient process. You IMAGINE things working smoothly and efficiently.
This gap between what you see and what you imagine is NOT a problem.
Many people try to “solve” perfectionism by lowering their standards and “making peace with the fact that things will never be perfect.”
But doing this also cuts off your imagination and tells you to stop envisioning a better way of doing things.
The problem is NOT in the gap.
The gap between what you see and what you imagine is NEUTRAL.
It’s like saying “Between 2000 and 3000, there’s a gap of 1000.” Okay. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t mean anything on its own.
The problem is in what you THINK about the gap — in the meaning that your brain GIVES it.
Gaps don’t have any meaning or emotion inside them. It’s your brain that comes along and GIVES gaps a meaning and an emotion.
And when people say “I don’t want to be a perfectionist,” it’s usually because they’re attaching STRESSFUL meanings to the gaps they see around them.
They’re looking at a totally neutral gap…
…and their automatic brain is instantaneously making the gap mean “I’m not good enough.”
And when you make a gap mean “I’m not good enough,” you’ll feel stressed and urgent and frazzled…
And when you feel stressed, you will work frantically to close the gap as fast as possible…
Working frantically will probably cause you to NOT do the best possible job closing that gap.
And then you’ll STILL be kind of stressed and frazzled afterward because you’re not happy with the work you did.
None of this happened because of the gap.
The gap didn’t make you feel stressed. The gap didn’t make you work frantically. The gap didn’t make you NOT do your best work. The gap didn’t leave you with lingering stress afterward.
This whole sequence of events was CAUSED by your automatic thoughts ABOUT the gap.
You don’t want to give up your high standards, your sharp imagination, or your ability to envision a better way of doing things.
You just want to give up stress, urgency, and feeling frantic.
And the best way to have high standards WITHOUT feeling stressed about them is to change your relationship with the gap.
Because the gap is neutral. You can think anything about it that you want.
“This gap means I’m not good enough.” is just the FIRST interpretation your automatic brain gives you. It’s not objectively TRUE. It’s just one interpretation.
You could also think…
“This is perfect. I love closing gaps. I’m so excited I get to close another gap today.”
“This is fun. Figuring out how to bridge this gap is a puzzle I can get absorbed in.”
“This is an opportunity for me to practice being the kind of person I want to be. How does that person handle gaps?”
“I’m in exactly the right place, solving exactly the right problem. Time to get into flow.”
Or literally anything else. The gap is a neutral canvas. It’s up to YOU to decide what you want to make it mean and what you want to do with it.
Take Marie Kondo for example. She is a world-famous professional organizer who LOVES mess.
She can hold incredibly high standards for home organization…
AND find fun and enjoyment in the process of cleaning up a home…
Because she has a fun and enjoyable relationship with the gap.
To her, the gap is not a problem.
The gap is the ENTRY POINT to joy, flow, fun, flexing her unique genius, and helping the people she wants to help.
If you want to build up your own helpful, effective, and FUN relationship with the gap…
(The thoughts here are great suggestions. But let’s build the mindset that resonates most with YOU.)
And then actually IMPLEMENT that perspective in every place in your life…
(Because you can’t just think it once while you read this email. You have to build the habit of thinking this way about gaps CONSISTENTLY.)
And troubleshoot that implementation until it’s rock solid and fully embedded in your psyche.
(Because your brain is going to fight you a bit! And nothing is going wrong when that happens. You just have to problem-solve through it.)
If all of this sounds like exactly the work you want and need…
Then join the waitlist for my 2023 course & coaching program—
From Imposter to “I Got This.”
The High-Stress High Achiever’s step-by-step guide to:
- Eliminate work stress and imposter syndrome
- Get clear + get moving on their next career step
- Create a life they love living
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