You’re not self-critical. You just have really good taste.
There’s a great Ira Glass quote that I think about a lot. He said…
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me.
All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste.
But there is this gap.
For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good.
It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.
A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this.
We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this.
And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work.
Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story.
It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met.
It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile.
You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
Ira is talking about creative work, like writing and painting and singing and radio-show-hosting.
But I think the same thing applies to you in your work too.
You may not be trying to craft the perfect song or write a beautiful poem…
You’re trying to get shit done efficiently and effectively every day.
You’re trying to make great decisions with insufficient information at work.
You’re trying to do excellent analysis and find the hidden insight that others have missed.
You’re trying to be effective in meetings and build relationships and persuade that tricky colleague to get on your side.
You’re trying to be a great leader and create inherent motivation and inspiration in your team, so that they want to go above and beyond.
And in all these areas, you have really good taste.
You know what good looks like. You know what GREAT looks like.
And you want everything you do to meet that bar.
And when something you do doesn’t meet that bar…
You feel an almost physical twinge of pain inside you.
I’m this way too.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten off a client call or published a newsletter and said, “UGH! I should have said it THIS way!! Why didn’t I think of that!!! I’m an idiot!”
Now normally, when you feel this almost physical twinge of pain…
You think that something has gone wrong.
You think that something is wrong with YOU.
And so you take a pause from working to beat yourself up.
You say something in a meeting, and you can see on the other person’s face that it wasn’t the right thing to say.
It just didn’t land with them. Maybe it confused them or even upset them.
You think, “Oh my god. That should NOT have happened!”
Your diagnosis of the situation is that it’s a global Me Problem.
You think…
“I’m just terrible at building trust with senior leadership!
I can do it with people at my level or below me, but I just can’t figure it out for people more senior than me.
I just don’t have what it takes to get to the next level! Ugh!!!”
And so you spend the rest of the day in a haze of self-criticism, barely focused on your work because you’re so furious at yourself.
But what if, instead, when you feel this almost physical twinge of pain…
You think “This is 100% normal.”
You identify ONE small, specific adjustment to make.
And you find a way to get more reps.
You say something in a meeting, and you can see on the other person’s face that it wasn’t the right thing to say.
It just didn’t land with them. Maybe it confused them or even upset them.
You think, “Yep, I get why this is painful for me. I have great taste in persuading and building rapport with people. And what just happened here was not great work, according to my sophisticated palette in this area.”
And then rather than jumping to a global Me Problem diagnosis of the situation…
You make an ultra-specific Process Problem diagnosis of the situation.
For example…
“I think what happened here is that I gave them too many ideas at once.
That confused them, and they interpreted it as me talking AT them rather than listening to them and reassuring them.
Okay, next time, let me try giving ONE idea, pausing to hear their response, and then seeing whether to give the next idea or just keep talking about the first one.”
And then you go get reps and try out this micro-adjustment in other meetings and interactions as quickly as possible.
It’s like if you were trying to craft the perfect bar of chocolate… 🍫
You have VERY good taste in chocolate. You have an incredibly sophisticated and refined palette in this area.
You make a bar of chocolate that doesn’t quite meet the mark.
Other people might say it’s fine.
But YOU know it could be better. Your incredible palette knows it.
And what I’m saying is, after you taste that disappointing bar of chocolate that you just made…
Don’t say—
“This shouldn’t have happened!!
I’ll NEVER be able to make the perfect bar of chocolate!!!”
And then go sulk in a corner for the rest of the day.
Instead, say—
“This is totally normal. I’ll probably make 100 imperfect chocolate bars before I figure out how to make the one I like.
In this case… I think I used a BIT too much milk and not enough flavoring.
Alright, let’s make those adjustments and see what happens.”
And get right back in the kitchen and try those things out.
You’ll still have those almost physical twinges of pain when you do something that doesn’t meet your own high bar for success.
But when you react to those twinges in this way…
You become a patient, persistent, nerdy craftsman…
Who gets to have a whole lot of fun in the process of figuring this out…
Rather than a stressed out and reactive bundle of nerves.
Who just wants this to be over as fast as possible.
The opposite of imposter syndrome isn’t confidence 🤩
The opposite of imposter syndrome is nerdiness 🤓
Imposter syndrome says, “I’m not good enough.”
Confidence says, “I’m amazing.”
Nerdiness says, “I’m not thinking about me at all. I’m just nerding out about the problem and having the time of my life.”
And “nerding out about the problem” is exactly what flow looks like :)
My entire coaching program is focused on getting you out of stress and back into flow as quickly and efficiently as possible.
I have 10 specific techniques I use to do this.
We’re not starting from scratch every time.
We’re not wandering around in the wilderness, trying to figure out how to find flow again.
We have a menu of 10 specific things we can try, and we just deploy them one after the other until we find the one that works for this situation.
In this newsletter, I used Technique #10.
To learn all the techniques…
AND get expert, one-on-one support in applying them to yourself…
So that you get the reps and gain mastery of this “out of stress, back in flow” toolkit…
Join my coaching program.
You can learn all about how it works here…
And then come talk to me, let’s define exactly what you want to work on, and talk through which option might be the best for you :)
What my clients have to say…
“My husband started noticing the progress I was making and commenting on how different my behavior was and how different my mental state and level of wellness was.
And that was super. That was the validation for me that this was absolutely worth it, if even he can see that his partner is doing better.”
—Client | Head of Business Development at MedTech Company
Did you know I have a full table of contents, where all my work is categorized by topic, so you can easily find what you need right now? Check it out below! :)
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