A Tale of Two You's: The Student & The Expert
The more I talk to people, the more I realize that everyone has two characters inside them.
You could call them Student You and Expert You.
Neither is right or wrong. But let’s talk about how they’re different.
I’m going to tell you how, but I want you to do this along with me.
Don’t just take my word for it. Test it and see if it’s true.
First, think about a time when you felt unsure about what to do next or how to handle the situation. You felt like a newbie. Things felt wobbly and uncertain. You were probably anxious or afraid. Get that example clear in your mind.
That’s Student You.
Now, think about a time when you were totally in flow and at the top of your game. You knew exactly what you were doing. You were calm, confident, and in control. Get that example clear in your mind.
That’s Expert You.
Keep those two examples in your mind while you read this, and see where you recognize yourself.
Student You tries to do things right.
What am I supposed to be doing right now?
What’s the right way to do this?
What are the rules in this room?
How can I get an A+ on the rubric?
These are the kinds of questions Student You asks.
Student You is very focused on understanding what the standard of success is and then trying to measure up to it and prove themselves.
And it’s always an external standard of success — because it doesn’t even occur to Student You to define success on their own terms.
Student You says, “No no, I’m just a newbie! I don't know what I’m doing. Someone please tell me what to do.”
Expert You acts based on your instincts and your perspective.
What do I think about this situation?
What are my goals here?
What do I think good looks like?
What do I think I should do next?
These are the kinds of questions Expert You asks.
Expert You is happy to hear other people’s thoughts. They take note of all the rules and rubrics in the room with curiosity.
But they also know that all that stuff is just other people’s opinions.
There’s always room to do something else. And isn’t it kind of fun to break the rules?
After getting all the advice and “you should do this” perspectives from other people…
Expert You always comes home to what THEY think is effective, cool, fun, interesting, and the right next step — according to THEIR assessment.
Student You really focuses on preparation.
Have they had enough time to read over everything and plan what they’ll say?
Have they gotten through all the chapters and all the articles and done every quiz question?
Have they thought through every scenario and prepared for all of them?
Student You believes that preparation will make or break them.
And if they’re thrown into a situation with too little preparation, they just stay small, stay quiet, and wait for it to be over.
Because obviously, they have nothing to add here.
Expert You focuses on reacting live in the moment.
It’s not that Expert You doesn’t prepare.
It’s that they know the magic isn’t in the preparation.
The magic happens in the moment — in the alchemy that happens between their brain and whatever happens in front of them.
They know they have everything they need inside of them already — their past experiences, their instincts, their knowledge, their quick mind.
Their whole life has been preparation.
All they really need to do is pay attention to what’s happening, run it through their own instincts and discernment, and they’ll know the right thing to say in the moment.
Expert You spins gold from whatever is happening in front of them.
Their value isn’t in their preparation.
Their value is in their presence.
Student You is very concerned about standing out, looking weird, or making a bad impression.
Student’s You’s first question is: What is everyone else doing?
If everyone else is doing something, they better do that too.
If nobody is doing something, they better avoid it.
Being different in any way causes Student You endless agony and embarrassment.
Expert You doesn’t mind if people don’t get it.
When people say, “What?? You’re doing THAT?? That doesn’t make any sense. Are you sure??”
Expert You says, “Don’t worry about it! I know what I’m doing. You’ll see soon enough :)”
Student You gets really hung up on tactics.
Student You says: Just tell me exactly what to do!!
How exactly should I write this email? Bullets or paragraphs? Request at the beginning or at the end?
What exactly should I say in the meeting? Stick to my agenda, or be willing to jump around?
How exactly should I study? Should I review everything and then take a practice quiz, or take the quiz first and then review?
How exactly should I network? Should I talk to everyone in the room, or focus on a few deep conversations?
Student You thinks the tactics are the solution to their problems.
Because Student You thinks that tactics are what create results.
Expert You focuses on the goal.
Expert You keeps their eyes on the destination and stays loose and flexible about how they get there.
Sometimes they write emails in bullets, sometimes in paragraphs. It depends on what the situation needs.
In some meetings, they stick to the agenda and rein everyone in. In others, they jump around or derail it themselves. It depends on what the situation needs.
Sometimes they study by reviewing first and then taking the quiz, other times they take the quiz first and then review. It depends on what the situation needs.
Sometimes they talk to everyone at the networking event, and sometimes they spend 90 minutes talking to one person. It depends on what the situation needs.
Expert You knows that there isn’t any one set of “correct” tactics that work in every situation.
There’s no right way to do things every single time. Everything depends. There are multiple paths to success.
So Expert You keeps their north star clear in their mind and then decides, live in the moment, the best way to get there in this particular situation.
Student You is crushed by mistakes, failure, and rejection.
A ding on a test.
A No to a request.
A weird look on someone’s face when you tell them what you’re doing.
Student You deeply dreads even the possibility that these things could happen. They go out of their way to keep themselves safe from these painful outcomes.
They study for weeks and weeks — because that’s better than getting a ding.
They don’t even make the request — because that’s better than getting a no.
They just say what they’re supposed to say, not what they really think — because that’s better than getting that weird look.
And when these things DO inevitably happen, Student You retreats into their cave and never wants to come out again.
Expert You is intrigued by unexpected results.
Expert You doesn’t even think of them as “mistakes.”
Expert You thinks of them as interesting new data.
When Expert You builds a financial model that they’re SURE will work…and is confronted with rows of errors in all the cells…
Or when Expert You says something that they’re SURE will resonate…and gets a weird look and a No from the other person…
They react to that situation the same way they’d react if you threw a ball at the ceiling and it hung there floating in midair instead of coming back to the ground.
“What?? I’ve never seen this before! So unexpected! Utterly fascinating! What is going ON?”
They don’t try to avoid these situations. Who wants to avoid new data?
Sometimes, Expert You even WANTS to push the boundaries, break the so-called rules, and see what happens next.
Student You is not like your inner critic.
It’s not tearing you down or telling you that you’re terrible — at least, not explicitly.
On the surface, Student You seems so practical and helpful and hardworking and dedicated.
Who’s going to say that doing things right, preparing a lot, being normal, following best practice tactics, and avoiding mistakes are BAD things to do?
It’s not the Student You has BAD advice…
It’s that Student You operates on the assumption: I don’t really know what I’m doing.
Student You totally forgets about YOUR knowledge, YOUR expertise, YOUR unique way of doing things…
…and the alchemical, un-plan-able power of YOUR brain live in the moment when you give your full presence to whatever is happening and deeply, boundlessly trust yourself.
Expert You operates on a different premise.
Expert You says: I know what I’m doing.
And from that premise, Expert You says…
“It’s not that I’m going to do things wrong, show up unprepared, be weird, ignore best practices, and deliberately make mistakes…
It’s that I’m going to:
Do things MY way
Prioritize live presence over rigid preparation
Be MYSELF
Stay flexible on tactics
Be willing to break things so I can learn from them.”
Student You loses out on all the best parts of you.
Expert You is BUILT on all the best parts of you.
If I could flip a switch in your brain that made Expert You take over for the rest of your life, I would do it.
But I haven’t found that switch yet.
So here’s what I want you to do next.
Get really good at recognizing when Student You has taken over.
Go back to your examples of when you were 100% Student You and 100% Expert You.
How does Student You think? How does Student You look at at the world?
How does Student You feel in your body?
What kinds of questions does Student You ask?
What does Student You do?
I’ve given you 5 clear indicator lights for when Student You has taken over.
Come up with more of your own if you can.
Every time you notice Student You has taken over, pause and ask: How would Expert You handle this situation?
I want you to think of your life as a giant maze.
Expert You has already taken over large parts of this maze.
There are certain situations and circumstances where Expert You comes to the front effortlessly.
When you’re well prepared. When you have deep knowledge of the subject. When you’re giving advice. When you’ve seen and done this before. Expert You automatically takes charge.
And there are certain parts of this maze Expert You has not yet explored.
There are certain situations and circumstances where it feels hard or unintuitive to be Expert You.
When you’re not prepared. When you don’t have deep knowledge of the subject. When you’re doing something for the first time. When you’re the one with the problem, not the one with the answer.
Every time you run into a part of the maze that Expert You hasn’t explored yet, it’s time to break new ground.
Don’t shrink back and let Student You take over.
How does Expert You handle THIS?
The more times you do this, the more you will expand Expert You’s territory, until piece by piece, you’ve shed light on every last corner of the maze, and you’ve figured out how to act like Expert You almost all of the time.
Don’t be surprised when you have to do this again at every new level.
Paradoxically, it’s often easier to tap into Expert You when you know less, have less experience, and have less success.
You don’t yet know the constraints. You haven’t yet felt the pain of failure. There’s not as much to lose. You’re full of hope and bravado, and you do things your way.
It’s very normal, as you gain experience and success, to ALSO become more fearful and to want to retreat backward into the safety of being Student You.
All that happened is this—
You figured out how to be Expert You at one level…
It WORKED and you were successful…
And therefore, you “leveled up” and gained access to a whole new part of the maze that you’ve never seen before.
Nothing is going wrong when this happens. You haven’t lost it. You’re not a fraud.
You’ve just unlocked next-level problems.
And all you have to do is break more ground in this new part of the maze — to learn how to be Expert You here, too.
I’ve done several sessions recently with clients about this exact topic:
Clearly mapping out what the Expert and the Student look like within them
Anchoring those examples so they know exactly when they’ve slipped into one or the other
Noticing the sneaky ways Student You tries to take over and catching them
Breaking new ground together — figuring out how Expert Them would handle the situation they’re current facing
Trying actually BEING Expert Them in real-life situations and coming back and analyzing what worked and what didn’t
This is an ongoing process and a practice, not a one-time fix.
And as with all things that require ongoing maintenance, that process moves more smoothly and efficiently when you have structure, support, and expertise to keep you on track and prevent you from ever backsliding too far.
I’ve laid out the path clearly here for you. Now, I want you to get the support to walk down it as easily and directly as possible.
Don’t wait another day. Come talk to me, and let’s get started.
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