If you can get your legs waxed, you can manage your stress (part 1)
So yesterday, in the intro to this series, we started talking about what to do when your emotions flare up really big and you simply don’t have the capacity to change your thoughts, take effective action, or problem-solve the thing in front of you at all.
In those situations, you need to take your focus off your external environment…
…and put your focus on your internal environment.
You need to decide how you want to think about the thing that is currently happening inside of you.
And I gave you 4 unhelpful ways that people often think about the thing currently happening inside them.
And when I say “unhelpful,” I don’t mean they’re stupid or morally wrong or even unhealthy.
I call them “unhelpful” because they create more of something you don’t want.
They cause the thing happening inside you to get bigger and bigger — and you don’t want that.
So it’s not about measuring up to some external third party standard of “goodness” or “smartness” or “wellness.”
It’s just about figuring out what gets you to the goals YOU have for yourself. What creates the life and the experience that YOU want.
So after I gave you the 4 unhelpful ways people usually react to what’s happening inside them, I told you I’d give you 3 more helpful ways to think about it.
(And btw, I changed my mind — I’m actually going to give you 4 more helpful ways, over the next few days :)
So let’s jump into More Helpful Way #1—
If you can get your legs waxed, you can manage your stress
Let’s take a big, uncomfortable emotion like stress or fear.
You can think of that uncomfortable emotion as being made up of 3 components:
Thoughts: This is the part where your brain goes off to races, coming up with hypothetical scenarios about what’s going to happen, what they’re going to say, what you should have done differently, etc.
Physical discomfort: This is your heart racing, your stomach flip-flopping, cold sweats, shaking hands, etc.
Urges to do things: This is the part where you feel really driven to work for two more hours, or to lay in bed and do nothing, or to reply to their email asap. You feel like you simply MUST do that thing.
Today, we’re just going to think about the physical discomfort component of it.
Right now, you are highly conditioned to feel just a little bit of that Stress Physical Discomfort and JUMP to reacting in one of the 4 Unhelpful Ways.
But here’s the thing. The physical discomfort component of a big emotion is actually not that bad.
It’s not fun…but you’ve definitely experienced MORE discomfort (or even outright pain!) and not run from it.
The example I like to give people is getting your legs waxed.
I don’t enjoy getting my legs waxed. It’s definitely not a fun experience.
And yet, I don’t punch the wax technician in the face and run out of the room screaming.
I stay through the whole appointment, and then I book another one once it’s done.
Why is that?
There are a lot of uncomfortable physical things when I’m getting a leg wax — just like there are a lot of uncomfortable physical things when I’m feeling stressed at work.
The only difference is that I think differently about those uncomfortable physical sensations.
During a leg wax, I think things like…
Okay, this is happening.
It’ll be done soon.
This is fine, I can handle it.
This used to hurt more in the past.
And I just let go and accept the fact this is happening.
You can take those exact same thoughts & feelings and apply them to the physical discomfort of a strong emotion.
And if getting your legs waxed isn’t a good comparison for you, think about other physically uncomfortable experiences like…
Walking around with wet socks
Being outside for 20 minutes in the cold without a jacket
Carrying a heavy toddler around for an hour or two
Getting a vaccine or getting your blood drawn
Doing a tough workout
You’ve done physically uncomfortable things without running away from them.
Think back — What did you think and feel in those moments that caused you to just be okay with the discomfort and keep on going?
That’s exactly what you need to think and feel about the physical discomfort component of a big emotion.
And like I said yesterday, the goal isn’t to make the big emotion disappear or to instantly feel better.
The goal is to NOT add fuel to the fire and to give the emotion space to resolve itself in its own time (more on that tomorrow).
So go out there and practice this 3 times in different stressful moments — and see what happens.
Here’s what I think you’ll find:
The physical sensation of being stressed is actually not that bad. You can accept it, stay with it, and ride it out.
Doing the mental work of staying with and accepting the physical sensation keeps your brain occupied — so it doesn’t have the bandwidth to run away with hypothetical scenarios.
If you can stay with the physical discomfort rather than running from it, it won’t feel so necessary to follow your urges to do things. You can just hang out and feel a little uncomfortable. You don’t have to do something right away to feel better.
Alright! That’s your lesson for today. Come back tomorrow for…
Part 2: If you can eat Thanksgiving dinner, you can manage your stress 🍗 (click to read)
And let me tell you why I happily give away all my best ideas for free.
There’s no concept or framework or exercise that’s only for my paying clients.
If you follow me online, you get everything.
And here’s why you still need a coach.
Customization
If you’re just reading along, I don’t know how your brain is reacting to my ideas.
If we’re talking, I can see YOUR specific reactions immediately. Your objections. Your counter arguments. Your “yes but…” and “what about…”
That resistance and arguing isn’t a problem.
That resistance is your exact pathway to getting where you want to be.
And if I can hear your specific resistance, I’ll know exactly what to tell you next, customized to YOUR situation and YOUR brain. “Let me explain it another way. Let’s try another concept. Let’s take this angle instead.”
Addressing and resolving your resistance IS the way that you get there.
And it’s much faster and easier when you’ve got me there to help you.
Commitment
Investing in a coach is an investment in yourself.
It’s a commitment you make to dedicate a certain amount of time, effort, and focus to achieving the things you want to achieve.
It’s about going from the “few minutes a day, I’m thinking about it” level to the “dedicated hour a week, I’m making this happen” level.
You can read along and think “that’s neat!” for a long time — and there’s still a lot of value in doing that!
But it can’t compare to the next-level transformation that’s unlocked when you make a commitment to yourself to get it done.
Follow-through
This is where people stumble when they’re going at it on their own.
They start applying the concepts. Things are going pretty well. Then they run into a challenge.
How you respond to a challenge is THE determining factor for whether you’ll be able to do the things you want to do and create the life you want.
And when it’s just you on your own, it’s easy to hit a challenge, decide this isn’t working for you, and just stop problem-solving.
But when you have a coach — giving up is simply not an option.
I already know that you can get there — that everything you want is possible for you.
There is not a single doubt in my mind that the life you want is right there waiting for you to grab it.
The only reason you wouldn’t get there is if you stopped trying.
And when you’re working with a coach, that just never happens. It simply can’t.
Because no matter what, once a week, you’ve got a call with me — and we’ll sit down, analyze what happened, and decide what you’re doing next.
It’s as simple as that.
So let’s get started today.
Read Part 2 ➡️
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