Okay, I Did the Thing...and Now I'm Freaking Out
Yesterday, we talked about how the most powerful way to rewire your brain is to SHOW, not tell.
Don’t just tell yourself to do something. Give yourself structured mini-reps in low-stakes situations and SHOW your brain that what you want to do is safe and effective.
Now what happens when you actually do the thing…and you’re immediately flooded with worry, regret, and adrenaline?
Here are my 4 tips for you:
Tip 1: Build time into your schedule for feeling bad
You just did something that your automatic brain thinks is dangerous!
You did it in a small, low-stakes way. But of course it still may feel bad!
Don’t set the expectation that you’ll feel amazing and there will be no bumps in the road.
Don’t tell yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling this way (which only doubles your pain because now you’re feeling bad + feeling bad ABOUT feeling bad).
Instead, proactively expect that you WILL feel uncomfortable afterwards and block out time in your schedule to let the adrenaline run through your system.
If you’ve never gone on a run before, and then you run 2 miles on one day, you would expect your muscles to be sore and you’d block out the next day (or more!) for rest and recovery.
The same principle applies here.
Tip 2: Get the wiggles out
If you’re feeling intensely worried or bad, don’t even try to change your thinking.
First, just let the emotion move through you without trying to change it.
Don’t stand at the door to your “mental house” and block the feeling from entering with all your might.
The harder you push at the door, the harder the feeling pushes BACK, trying to get in.
Instead, let the feeling in. Let it rush in, peak, and recede.
You know when you stub your toe on something, and you feel a rush of pain, it peaks, and then it recedes?
Feeling an emotion is the same way. Let it in, let it peak, and let it recede — all while you just watch.
You can do this while you take deep breaths and sit quietly, letting all the sensations wash over you and hearing all the thoughts that come with it, as a neutral observer.
Or (my preferred method) you can do this while you jump around, do aerobic dance moves, and “get the wiggles out.” (Just like an overactive little kid :)
Tip 3: Once you’ve taken the edge off, start to adjust your thinking
Some thought suggestions—
Go tell someone else why what you did is right.
You may get some reassurance from them, which is nice.
But more importantly, you’ll hear yourself say your own reasoning out loud.
YOU are your own most important audience.
Remind yourself that you’ll feel uncomfortable either way.
Speaking up and doing what you think is right is uncomfortable.
NOT speaking up and squashing yourself into a box is ALSO uncomfortable.
The discomfort isn’t a sign that you did something wrong — you were going to feel it either way (just in a slightly different flavor).
At least this time, you’re uncomfortable in a productive direction (in service of doing what you think is right) rather than uncomfortable in an unproductive direction (in service of doing what you “should” do but don’t actually want to do).
Give yourself a pat on the back — the first rep is the hardest
You’re right in the middle of the hardest part. It’s only going to get easier from here.
And you took the first step! GREAT JOB, YOU!!!
The discomfort is a sign that you did something RIGHT.
Just like sore muscles are a sign that you had a good workout.
Tip 4: Give yourself a set number of reps before re-evaluating
The first few reps are when you will feel the worst AND when you will have the least data.
Feeling bad + scant data = the worst time to make changes.
Give yourself at least 10 reps before you decide to do anything differently.
The first time I sent an email newsletter to a few friends, I felt panicky for a day and a half. By the time I sent my tenth or twentieth, it was just a normal part of my day.
The day I launched my business publicly online, I was so stressed that I canceled my evening plans and lay in bed for 12 hours. Within a few weeks, posting online became second nature.
The first time I told someone “I’m a life coach,” I wanted to crawl out of my skin. After I’d done it 30 times, I started looking forward to their questions and knew exactly how to answer them.
What feels incredibly uncomfortable at first can become easy and FUN by the time you’ve done it a dozen times.
So let your nerves settle themselves and let the data roll in before you decide to do anything differently.
The kind of coaching that we do here is not simple “take a deep breath and think happy thoughts” coaching.
Between my last article and this one, I have given you a simple, doable step-by-step plan to systematically expand your comfort zone and grow your ability to do what you think is right — while still taking care of yourself and not burning out.
Plans like this don’t solve 100% of your problems automatically on their own…
They get you started and give you a baseline against which you can troubleshoot and problem-solve UNTIL you’ve solved 100% of your problems.
If you want me to help you make and follow through on plans like this one with help and support every step of the way…
And if you want the absolute best ready-to-go plans and formulas to get you started immediately…
And my coaching support on tap to help you apply everything, troubleshoot, and follow through…
AND a cohort of peers going through the same things you are, to learn from and lean on…
Then join the waitlist for my 2023 course and coaching program:
From Imposter to “I Got This.”
The High-Stress High Achiever’s step-by-step guide to:
- Eliminate work stress and imposter syndrome
- Get clear + get moving on the next step in their careers
- Create a life they love living
PS: Confused about anything? Have follow-up questions? Hit reply and ask me. You never know — it may become the subject of my next newsletter :)
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