The Most Important Step in Solving Any Problem

Pooja Venkatraman

May 23, 2024

Whatever kind of problem you’re trying to solve, whether it’s…

A results problem, like “I’ve been job-hunting for months and I still haven’t found a job.”
An action problem, like “I want to stop overeating every time I go out to restaurants.”
An emotional problem, like “I want to stop being so stressed all the time.”
Or a thoughts problem, like “I want to be less self-critical and have a more positive internal voice.”

THE most important first step to solving any problem is to accept your current state.

It’s to accept that this is where you are right now.

Let me tell you why.

Imagine that you had fallen into a hole.

Not metaphorically. Literally. Like you’re in an actual hole.

Which of these 2 ways do you think is the most effective way to get out of that hole?

Way 1 of getting out of a hole—

You think: “Omg, I can’t believe I’m in this hole! What’s wrong with me? I’m so stupid to let myself fall in this hole. I HATE this hole!!! I have to get out of this hole NOW!!!!”

All those thoughts create a surge of emotions — panic, despair, urgency, fear…

From that emotional state, you take panicked, desperate, urgent action.

You throw yourself at the walls and try to scramble up them as quickly as possible.
You don’t plan or think — you try things haphazardly.
You fall again and again — and get even more frustrated and desperate every time it happens.
You might even stop trying to get out of the hole and just cry or rage at the hole for a while.

And here’s the result of those actions…

It takes you longer to get out of the hole (if you even do)
The process of getting out the hole totally exhausts you
You’re terrified of ever falling into a hole again

Way 2 of getting out of a hole—

You think: “Okay. I am currently in a hole. This is a normal thing that happens.”

Those thoughts create different emotions — calmness, neutrality, acceptance, maybe even curiosity.

From that emotional state, you take calm, neutral action.

You inspect the walls of the hole to find the best pathway to take.
You try a couple routes calmly and methodically.
When you fall, you dust yourself off and analyze what happened.
You try as long as you can, get some rest, and then try again when you have more energy.

And here’s the result of those actions…

You get out of the hole
The process of getting out of the hole was calm and neutral — maybe even fun and engaging!
You’re not too worried about falling into a hole again

Way #2 is a WAY more effective way of getting out of a hole.

Because in Way #2, you don’t resist the fact that you’re currently in a hole.

You don’t rage against it. You don’t blame yourself for it. You don’t declare that being in a hole is an unbearable, problematic, pathetic state of being that must be corrected asap.

You just say: Yep, I’m in a hole. That’s where I currently am.

And that acceptance is what allows you to get out of the hole quickly and effectively…

…AND (more importantly) that acceptance allows you to have a calm, neutral experience while climbing out of the hole.

And listen, Way #1 might still work.

You might very well have gotten out of a few (or a lot!) of holes in your life using the stress, anxiety, and urgency of Way #1.

And Way #1 wouldn’t be a problem if you knew for a fact that you’d only fall into one or two holes in your life.

But life is full of holes.

You are going to keep falling into holes (aka having problems) every day or week for the rest of your life.

And if you have a horrible, draining, exhausting experience every time you climb out of a hole…

You’re either going to have a horrible, draining, exhausting LIFE…

…or you’re going to have a very small life, because you’ll do everything in your power to avoid EVER making a mistake, getting a bad result, or running into a problem.

And I don’t want either of those for you.

Accepting your current state will not make you lazy or complacent.

This is the #1 reason people don’t want to accept their current state.

They think that if they accept being in the hole, they’ll just stay in the hole forever.

I can assure you: No part of you wants to be in this hole.

At your core, in your heart of hearts, you do NOT want to be here. That’s WHY you’re so resistant to being in here and so desperate to get out.

Every part of you wants OUT.

The problem is that resistance makes you flail.

And flailing is less effective.

When you accept the fact that you are currently in the hole, the only thing that happens is that you stop flailing, which sharpens your ability to get out of the hole.

So here’s how to accept your current state—

Accepting your current state means being okay with being in this state for as long as it takes to figure this out.

A week? A month? A year? All okay.

And the easiest way to be okay with being here for as long as it takes?

Take whatever it is that you want most…

Whatever it is that you’re CONVINCED exists ONLY outside of this hole…

And find it here, in the hole.

For example— (These are some of the common ones, btw.)

If you think that being in the hole means something is wrong with you, and you’re only “right” when you’re out of the hole…

Find rightness here, in the hole. Nothing is wrong with you. You are having a totally normal, totally valid experience — like so many other people before you.

If you find the hole prickly and uncomfortable, and you think coziness and warmth only exists outside the hole…

Sink in. Get cozy. Find coziness and warmth here, in the hole, like curling up on the couch when the weather is gross outside.

If you feel like being in the hole disrupts your flow and you can only get things done when you’re out of the hole…

Your flow is a lot more resilient than you think. You can find flow here too, just like you’ve found it on busy planes and loud buses and long walks with your dog. Settle in. Find your flow here, in the hole.

If you feel like you’re just not yourself when you’re in the hole, and the real you exists outside the hole…

Find the real you here, in the hole. Because the real you is here too. You can never lose her. You just have to reach out and touch her hand. She’s right here with you.

If you think you’re not worthy of love when you’re in the hole, and love is only for perfect people who never fall in holes…

Love yourself here, in the hole. Love the scared, little-kid version of you that is trapped in that belief.

This is a general rule of coaching, by the way.

Whatever you think is only available THERE…

First, find it HERE.

And that is what will enable you to get THERE.

It’s time travel. It’s irony. It’s paradox. It’s back-stitching your way through life.

And it’s the only damn thing that lets you get there, stay there, and FEEL like you got there.

So the next time you run into a problem…

Or the next time you sit down to work on one of the problems you’re currently facing…

Before you do anything else… FIRST accept your current state.

Get comfy. Get cozy.

Whatever you think is out there, where you want to be…

It could be: Normalcy. Sufficiency. Good-enough-ness. Smartness. Love. Flow. Safety. The real you.

Find it right here, where you currently are.

Sink in to being here as long as it takes.

And ONLY when that first step is totally complete…

Then, you can get to work.

This is not something you do just once.

This is a HABIT you build with every problem you face.

And once this habit is locked in, you are going to create the life you actually want.

Because that’s all it takes to create the life you want.

You just have to solve (and keep solving) all the problems that come up.

You just have to close every gap between what you want and what is — close every gap between strategy and execution, continually, for the rest of your life.

(It’s not that different from running a business.)

And you can do that again and again, simply, easily, without a lot of drama or fuss…

WHEN you’ve built the skill of accepting what is.

I want you to lock this habit in and be DONE for life.

So come talk to me, let’s build the structure, get you the reps, and get this DONE.

I’m no different than a piano teacher or a dance teacher or a chess teacher.

I just teach you mental and emotional skills rather than physical ones.

And these are mental and emotional skills that pay dividends for the rest of your life.

So let’s start today.

Book a free coaching consult

What my clients have to say…

“I had a bit of a conflict where I was like: ‘No one can relate to me. My problems are so unique. My work situation is so unique. No one will ever be able to understand what I’m going through and what I’m feeling.’

And I was so surprised because Pooja got things immediately, she was seeing things that I hadn’t seen. She was making these connections. I felt that she could relate and could see things so clearly.”

—Client | VP at Major Financial Institution

Less Stress, More Flow with Pooja V.

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