4 Simple Steps to Solve Any Problem, Achieve Any Goal, and Create the Life You Actually Want (part 2)
Last week, we started talking about the only 4 steps you need to solve any problem, achieve any goal, and create the life you want to be living.
Diagnosis: How did your thinking create the current situation?
Brainstorm: Play time! What else could you possibly think here?
Implement, one half: How can you build real, bone-deep belief in that new way of thinking?
Implement, other half: How will you react when your old thinking pops up again?
We took an example…
You went out for dinner with your friends, and you planned to have fajitas and one glass of wine.
But then you actually ate all the chips, the deluxe quesadilla, two margaritas, and the chocolate-stuffed churros.
We applied Step 1 to this situation and discovered that the thought that created this situation was, “Screw the plan, I deserve to have fun.”
Today, it’s time for Step 2: Play time! What else could you possibly think here?
This step is your infinite playground. The possibilities are ENDLESS.
And guys. This is the fun part. This is the part where you unleash your creativity and get to be the sole author of your reality.
But…often, your brain won’t think of it like that.
A lot of times, your brain will start this step with a grumpy-ass lose-lose tradeoff.
On Step 1, we revealed my brain’s default definition of “fun.”
Quesadillas, margaritas, churros, and throwing away my plan = FUN
Fajitas, one glass of wine, and following my plan = NOT FUN
So when you ask yourself, “What else could I possibly think here?”, your brain my fire back with: “There’s only one option. To achieve your goal, you have to stop having fun.”
This, my friends, is textbook lose-lose framing.
Apparently I can either “get to my goal but have no fun” or “have fun but never get to my goal.” Uh…neither of those sounds very good.
But here’s the good news: This tradeoff is not true. It’s completely made up.
So, what else could I possibly think here? Let’s get this started with some tradeoff-busting brainstorm questions:
How can I have both? How can sticking to my plan be the MOST FUN thing I do?
Hmm… I guess eating what I planned could be fun because…
I’ll enjoy the results of eating healthier over the next few days and weeks.
Fajitas and wine are delicious. I didn’t skimp here at all. These are actually foods I love.
If I can stick to my plan, I can have it all. I can have a fun night out with my friends AND not feel guilty the next day. That’s like…the ultimate super power.
Good brainstorm! Now, here’s what we’re going to do: We’re going to try each thought on for size.
We’ll plug each thought into the self-coaching model and see how it makes me feel and what it makes me want to do. Reminder: this is the self-coaching model:
Circumstance: What are the cold, objective facts of the situation?
Thought: What do I think about those facts? (pick 1 sentence)
Feeling: How do I feel when I think that? (pick 1 feeling - one word)
Action: What do I do & not do when I feel that way?
Result: What is the effect of my actions on me?
Let’s go back to the restaurant and imagine myself sitting with the menu in hand… The chips are in front of me, and I’m staring at the quesadillas on the menu…
Test thought #1:
Thought: I’ll enjoy the results of eating healthier over the next few days and weeks.
Feeling: Impatient
Action: Start arguing with myself - “Ugh, but that’s so far away. Come on, just this once won’t hurt…”
Interesting! While that thought makes perfect logical sense, it doesn’t really resonate with me. When I try to “plug it in,” my automatic brain immediately starts arguing. Okay, not super helpful.
Let’s try another one! Test thought #2:
Thought: Fajitas and wine are actually delicious.
Feeling: Excited
Action: Start thinking about sizzling peppers and warm tortillas and crisp wine
Ooh, this one works a lot better! I’m actually looking forward to eating what I planned. I’ve made it fun! Great stuff.
Alright, let’s try the last one. Test thought #3:
Thought: Sticking to my plan is how I have it all.
Feeling: Empowered
Action: Start to think of myself as someone who has ease around food. As someone for whom food is no big deal.
Ooh. This one feels really good. This tapped into the kind of person I want to be. And now a dinner out feels like an opportunity to practice being her…. That’s actually really nice.
And that’s it! That’s Step 2. You can brainstorm as many new thoughts as you want, any way you want.
And rest assured: There are infinite possibilities for what you could think about ANY given situation.
This step is your playground. Your chance to exercise all your creativity and storytelling power. Your chance to pick up the pen and write the reality you want to be living.
So don’t be bamboozled by your brain’s grumpy tradeoff thinking.
Break the tradeoff. Have it all. Flip the story upside down.
And then try every single one of those thoughts on for size.
How does it feel when you think that?
What do you feel like doing when you feel that way?
Don’t worry about what you’re “supposed” to be thinking or feeling. Or what anyone has told you to think or feel or do.
The only measure of success here is what works best for you.
PS: Have a problem you want me to apply this 4-step process to? Submit it to the coaching question box, and I’ll address it in a future newsletter / podcast / Instagram post :)
PPS: Want to break your situation down with the model? Use this cheat sheet.
PPPS: Feeling impatient? Want to learn this all NOW, applied directly to YOUR situation? Get in here, and let’s get started.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
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