7 Assumptions That Have Gotten You This Far…But Are Now Holding You Back (part 7)
Last assumption in the series! Here are the 6 assumptions we’ve talked about so far…
There’s a clear path that I’m supposed to follow.
First, I define a goal. Then I make a plan. Then I execute the plan.
I know I’m succeeding if I’m doing everything really well.
Other people know better than me.
I’ll feel good about myself when I get there.
…and here’s assumption #7.
Old Assumption 7: I earn my worth through doing and achieving.
Why do you work so hard?
Why do you push yourself and power through?
Why is it so very important that you get that thing that you’re working toward?
For many of us, the answer to that question is, “Because if I achieve that thing, I will finally feel like I’m good enough.”
And yes, the drive to be good enough — and the drive to AVOID feeling like a failure — can be very powerful motivators.
But here’s the sneaky side effect you’ve probably already noticed if you’ve racked up a few achievements: It never seems to be enough.
You achieve something…you feel good for a few days…and then somehow you’re back at square one, staring down the NEXT achievement you need to get to.
Got into the school…but am I going to do well? How do I get valedictorian?
Got the job…but how am I going to perform? Can I get promoted early?
Had the baby…but am I a good parent? How can I make sure they do well in life?
It’s as if “good enough” is a badge that can be taken away from you at anytime.
Or a test you have to pass every day to avoid the pit of failure.
But what’s the alternative?
Because here’s what a lot of people worry, when I point this out to them:
Well, if I totally decouple my self-worth from my achievements…then I’ll just stop doing anything.
And you don’t want to stop doing everything! You actually want to achieve that stuff!
Let me offer you an alternate perspective:
New Assumption 7: I do and achieve in order to UNCOVER the worth that is already in me.
That version of you that is totally good enough — she’s already here. She’s right there inside of you. You just have to uncover her.
You don’t have to GET the thing OUTSIDE of you that proves you’re worthy (for a minute or two).
You have to FIND the thing INSIDE of you that has always been worthy all along.
What if you stumble? Or go backward? Or REALLY screw it up?
That’s okay. How does she handle it? What does she do?
There’s no high wire act where you might lose it all. No meeting or moment where your fate is sealed forever.
When doing and achieving is about uncovering the worth you always had all along, it stops being stressful and starts being FUN.
It’s not a badge or a test. It’s an expedition.
And when your worth is something you’re always discovering, through everything you do…
You can set BIG ASS GOALS without fear.
Because working toward a big goal is entirely about finding the parts of you that are smart and creative and resourceful and persistent, again and again and again.
And those parts of you are already in you.
You cannot lose them.
All you can ever do is get to know them better.
The point of setting a goal is not to finally be good enough when you get there.
The point of setting a goal is to create a new way to discover the best parts of you all over again.
PS: Imagine going after the goals you’re afraid to even say out loud…and enjoying it and having FUN while you do it. That’s what happens when you put this mentality into practice. Want my guidance every step of the way? Then come talk to me and let’s get started.
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
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