7 Assumptions That Have Gotten You This Far…But Are Now Holding You Back (part 3)
So we’ve already talked about two assumptions that got you this far…and are now holding you back.
Old Assumption 1: There’s a clear path that I’m supposed to follow.
Old Assumption 2: First, I define a goal. Then I make a plan. Then I execute the plan.
Today, let’s look at the third now-unhelpful assumption.
Old Assumption 3: I avoid making mistakes.
Why this assumption has served you so far…
Honestly, I don’t know if this assumption has ever served you. But let me at least tell you how it came to be.
If you’re anything like me, you don’t even like hearing the word “mistake,” much less actually making one.
But what is a mistake, really? Here’s all it is: a gap between what you aimed for and what you got.
If you aimed for an A and got a C+. If you aimed to get that job and you didn’t. If you aimed to charm that person and they told you “no thanks.”
The reason the gap is so painful is not because it exists. The gap is just a gap. It’s a boring, neutral fact in the world.
The reason that gap is so painful is because of what we make it mean. We take that totally boring fact and we make it mean something like:
Something is wrong with me.
I’m never going to succeed.
I’m the only one who can’t figure this out.
[Insert other deepest, darkest fears here]
It’s not the gap that’s painful. It’s those thoughts.
And so far, on the prescribed path, with your clear goals and your step-by-step plans, you’ve been able to get away with avoiding making mistakes.
In fact, you may have even been rewarded for how few mistakes you make, and how GREAT you are at everything.
You may have even made it part of your identity. “I don’t make mistakes. That’s something that sad, embarrassing, pathetic people do. I have my shit together, and I don’t screw things up.”
And so you try very, very hard not to make any mistakes. You avoid situations where you MIGHT make them. And god forbid, if you do make one, you avoid looking at it or even thinking about it because it really, really hurts.
…and why it’s holding you back now
Well guess what, friend! You’re not in that old world anymore!
Now you’re deciding what YOU want, you’re embracing all the unknowns, and you’re doing small, concrete things every day until the goal and the path emerge clearly in front of you.
And here’s the bad news: When you’re crafting your own path step by step, making mistakes is the only way to figure things out.
If you only do things that you KNOW you can do well…
If you won’t finish those stupid doable tasks because “it’s not quite right yet”…
If you resist and avoid and run away from looking at any of the gaps…
I can tell you with 100% certainty: You will not figure this out.
You don’t need to just make mistakes.
You need to COLLECT mistakes. You need to RACK UP mistakes the same way you’ve racked up awards. You need to go out guns blazing, DETERMINED to make as many mistakes as possible.
Your mistake velocity needs to be so high that you’re rocketing out of the solar system with the breakneck momentum of all your monumental fuck-ups.
And here’s the way to do this all…
You need to make “Regularly, Boldly Makes Mistakes” into a key part of your identity.
Because listen, you know this intellectually. Of course making mistakes is the only way to learn! There’s no big mystery about that.
The reason we struggle to actually do it is because we’re hooked on our “I do things well” identities.
And through the lens of that identity, every mistake and gap looks like a sign that we’re failing.
But the gap is just a fact. We can make it mean anything we want.
What if it’s data, and you’re the researcher who loves tinkering around and figuring things out?
What if it’s a challenge, and you’re the warrior braving the winds of the unknown to win your treasure?
What if it’s a tally, and you’re the dutiful student racking up at least 10 mistakes this month because I told you to?
What if it’s a sign that you’re on the right path?
What if it’s proof that you’re DEFINITELY going to get there?
(Because guess what? It is.)
If the old assumption was I avoid making mistakes, here’s the new one:
New Assumption 3: The one who makes the most mistakes WINS.
PS: This was the hardest lesson for me to learn, by far. It takes not only an identity shift but a serious mastery of managing and processing unpleasant emotions. But it’s also the best lesson of all, because once you master it, you can do literally anything. If you want some help to make this shift and make it stick, come talk to me :)
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
📸 Instagram | 💌 Newsletter | 👋🏽 New? Start here