7 Assumptions That Have Gotten You This Far…But Are Now Holding You Back (part 5)
So we’ve talked about 4 assumptions that have gotten you this far…and are now holding you back.
There’s a clear path that I’m supposed to follow.
First, I define a goal. Then I make a plan. Then I execute the plan.
I know I’m succeeding if I’m doing everything really well.
Here’s assumption #5.
Old Assumption 5: Other people know better than me.
Why this assumption has served you so far…
For a long time in your life, other people actually did know better than you. Because you just didn’t have that much knowledge or experience!
When I was 15, I loved watching Law & Order, and I declared, “I want to be a lawyer one day!”
Then I talked to a few lawyers and every single one of them told me not to do it. They told me that TV was not a good representation of the job and that in reality, they hated their work and were actively trying to change careers.
So I believed them and decided not to go to law school.
And that was not a bad decision!
When you don’t know very much, it makes sense to trust the judgment of older, more experienced people more than your own judgment.
…and why it’s holding you back now
But you are no longer someone with very little experience.
You have done enough things and seen enough of the world to have a pretty good sense of how things work.
And most importantly, you know YOU better than anyone else.
People will still tell you what they think you should do, just as authoritatively as before.
But immediately assuming that they must be right and you must be wrong will be a mistake.
About two years ago, I did a lot of soul searching about what kind of life I wanted.
And I realized that the activities I loved most were gathering information, synthesizing and analyzing it, and then communicating my findings really well to others.
I was thrilled that I had gained such clarity about what I wanted, and I eagerly shared my insight with a few people.
And all of them said to me: “Oh, you’re describing consulting. Didn’t you just leave a job in consulting? Do you want to go back?”
Immediately, I felt like an idiot.
I knew I didn’t want to go back to consulting. But they all said — so confidently, so easily — that that’s exactly what I’d just described.
And my brain just assumed that they must be right and I must be wrong.
Which meant that I’d spent hours soul searching, only to come to the conclusion that…I should go back to the job I just left. But I also refused to do that. So clearly I was just dumb, no matter how you looked at it.
So I put the question away and kept my head down and kept working.
It took me months to reopen the question of what I wanted to do with my life.
And it took me even longer than that to slowly explore other options and ultimately land on coaching as a possibility.
And the reason it took me so long wasn’t because anyone was mean to me or tried to keep me down or anything negative at all.
All they did was offer me their opinion. And what I did was accept it point-blank and just assume that I must be wrong. THAT was my mistake.
People are going to offer you their opinions for the rest of your life — whether you ask them to or not.
They’ll give you advice.
They’ll say, “Oh, that’s what you did?”
They’ll make a weird face.
They’ll make a dire prediction.
They may even outright yell at you about your decisions.
And under the old assumption, your brain is going to want to jump to the conclusion that they’re right and you’re wrong.
But you are not a little kid anymore, my friend.
You now know the biggest secret of all:
Even the adults don’t have it figured out.
Everyone is just doing their limited best, on the basis of their limited experience.
And in that world, the old assumption just doesn’t serve you anymore.
If the old assumption was Other people know better than me, here’s the new one:
New Assumption 5: All outside opinions are filtered through MY judgment.
PS: And if you’re wondering:
But how do I gather the conviction to do what I want?
And the courage to keep going when people are upset with me?
And the flexibility to undo the social programming literally embedded in my brain??
Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. Come talk to me, and step by step, we will get it done.
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
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