7 Ways To Believe Something New (part 3)
So we’ve talked about two ways to believe something new: (1) putting a new thought in your mental filter and finding evidence all day long and (2) using the things that are going well in your life as reference points.
Today, we’re talking about way #3:
3: Find the most damning piece of evidence and rewrite the story
As always, we’ll use a few examples to go through how this might work. You guys know the inside of my brain very well by now, so these unhelpful beliefs won’t be a surprise:
I can’t trust myself to be productive without external standards and structure
Starting a relationship from a dating app is almost impossible
It’s really hard for me to lose weight and keep it off
These beliefs didn’t come out of nowhere. My brain formed them in response to specific things that happened. It saw some facts, it made them mean something, and then I believed the automatic interpretation that bubbled up.
But the original facts were always neutral. Which means I can always go back and look at them again.
Step 1: Ask your brain: Hey, what’s the evidence?
And just for fun, let’s put a face on this automatic brain that’s so busy coming up with stories.
Hey, brain! Why can’t I trust myself to be productive without external standards and structure?
Hello, brain. Why is starting a relationship from a dating app almost impossible?
Brain! Why is losing weight and keeping it off hard for me?
Thank you, brain, for your helpful input.
Step 2: Rewrite the story. Interpret the facts differently.
Remember, the story your brain has constructed is not “true.” It’s just one perspective. And by the way, in an effort to make the story as coherent as possible, your automatic brain went ahead and suppressed all the contradictory evidence and ambiguity around this story.
So let’s take the exact same facts and tell a new story.
Alright, brain. Same facts. Same sophomore year. How was that the most productive year of my life?
Brain! Same facts. Same five years and hundreds of dates. How is this proof that dating is going really well for me?
Hi, hello again. Same facts. Same 60 lb weight loss and 40 lb regain. How does this prove that losing weight and keeping it off is going to be incredibly easy for me?
Congratulations. By taking the most damning piece of evidence and considering another interpretation, you just wiggled a BIG jenga block out of the tower holding up your old belief.
We’ve talked a lot about how self-confirming your automatic brain is.
An exercise like this shows off something a lot of people don’t appreciate: This is also how flexible your automatic brain is.
Your automatic brain doesn’t care which theory it’s confirming. It doesn’t care WHICH story it’s making coherent. It just wants to confirm and cohere whatever you put in front of it.
That’s why it’s able to answer a question like “Why was this the worst year of your life?” just as easily and quickly as it can answer “Why was this the best year of your life?”
Which means, when you’re wriggling yourself out of an unhelpful perspective and trying to believe something new, it doesn’t have to be a big battle with yourself.
This is a theme that’s going to come up again and again in this series: Work with your automatic brain, not against it.
And the number one easiest way that you can do that? Keep. Asking. Questions.
You don’t need to force your automatic brain to do anything. Just hang out in the holding tank for a little bit. Suspend belief for a second and ask another question or two.
You and your automatic brain are a team, not enemies. And together, you can create anything you want.
Part 4 ➡️
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Epilogue
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