7 Ways To Believe Something New (part 2)
So we’ve talked about one way to believe something new — put it in your mental filter and gather evidence all day long.
Let’s talk about another way to build belief, using three unhelpful thoughts as examples:
Dating sucks.
I can’t trust myself to be productive.
I never have enough time.
I believed these thoughts completely and wholeheartedly. And I knew they were just thoughts, not facts. And I even knew they were unhelpful to me because they became their own self-fulfilling prophecies.
And yet, just mashing a new perspective into my brain wasn’t working. Telling myself “Dating is fun!” or “I can trust myself now!” or “I have plenty of time!” felt like an empty platitude. I just didn’t believe it.
But here’s what did work–-
2: Find things in your life that are going right and use them as reference points
Step 1: Ask yourself: What in my life is similar to this but is going well?
When you’re all zoned in on a problem, your brain is not naturally going to think of the things in your life that are going well. So you’ll have to actively ask yourself this question.
Dating sucks
Are there any kinds of relationships you do enjoy?
Well, friendships are really easy and fun, actually.
I can’t trust myself to be productive
What do you trust yourself with?
Well, I’m really good at getting chores and routine admin done.
I never have enough time
What do you have enough of? What do you manage well?
Well, I always seem to have enough money, and I think I manage my purchases pretty well.
Step 2: Identify your thoughts about the things that are going right.
Your brain may try to tell you, “Well, friendships and chores and money are different. Friendships are easy because you already have great friends. Chores are easy because no one is evaluating you. Money is easy because you have a good salary.”
Stop! Don’t believe a word of this!
Just like every problem in your life has been created by your thoughts, every great thing in your life has ALSO been created by your thoughts.
It was you!! Give yourself the credit! And then borrow from yourself because you’ve already figured out what to think.
Dating sucks
How do you know that dating sucks?
Because people keep texting me stupid things and then I have to think of something to respond with and I hate it.
Well, how would you respond to their texts if you were just making a new friend?
If it was a new friend, I’d be excited just to be chatting and I’d interpret everything in a good light and find something fun to say…
I can’t trust myself to be productive
How do you know that you can’t trust yourself?
Because I don’t get things done! If I’m sitting on my butt watching Netflix instead of working, it is a problem!!
Well, how do you handle that kind of “problem” in a routine chore, like if you forget to wear your retainer?
If I forget to wear my retainer, I just wear it again the next night and don’t worry about it. Forgetting my retainer doesn’t mean anything about me… It’s just a blip — like, who cares?
I never have enough time
How do you know that you don’t have enough time?
Because everything has to be done to a certain standard of quality, and that takes just time!
Are you sure everything has to be done to a certain standard of quality? If we were talking about money instead of time, would you insist on paying $1000 for bananas even if no one asked you to?
Well, if it was money, I’d never spend $1000 on bananas. I’d pay the list price and be looking for ways to pay even less…
Step 3: Apply the analogy in the moment
The next time you go on a dating app or look at your to-do list or have a packed calendar, the old thought will almost certainly pop into your brain first.
And when it does, instead of giving yourself a platitude, give yourself an analogy. Apply the helpful mindset you’ve already created somewhere else.
Ugh, look at this stupid text I now need to respond to!
Well, how would you respond if it was just a new friend?
Oh, then I’d be happy they’re reaching out, not annoyed at the “imposition.” And I guess I would say…
Ugh!! I can’t believe I just spent an hour scrolling on Instagram! What are you doing, you lazy slob??
Wait! How would you respond if this was “a retainer problem”?
Oh, hmm… I guess…it’s just a thing that happened? That’s not a big deal? And I can just move on?
Omg. So much on my to do list. There’s no way I can get it all done today 😣
Hang on! You have 8 hours to work today. What if you had $800 to spend on all these tasks? How could you get everything as cheaply as possible?
Oh, interesting! What’s the least I can do to get everything done? Hmm, okay, that feels more possible…
Knowing that your thoughts create your reality, but not being able to believe a new thought can be frustrating as hell. But you don’t have to just force-feed yourself a BS line that you don’t believe. There are a lot of ways to shake yourself out of your current perspective. We’re just getting started :)
Part 3 ➡️
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Epilogue
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